The father of a bride in Bengal is getting a lot of praise after he refused to abide by the tradition of giving away his daughter to her husband on her wedding day. A video that went viral on Twitter has sparked a debate on stereotypes and rituals at weddings that many are not comfortable following.
In the video that has been widely shared, the ceremony was presided over by a female priest and when asked to perform the ceremony of ‘kanyadaan‘, the father of the bride refused to do so. The father of the bride also gave a short speech on why he was refusing to follow the custom, and the video was shared by a guest at the wedding.
“I’m at a wedding with female pandits. They introduce the bride as the daughter of <mother’s name> and <father’s name> (mom first!!!). The bride’s dad gave a speech saying he wasn’t doing kanyadaan because his daughter wasn’t property to give away,” Twitter user @asmitaghosh18 said in a tweet that has received over 3800 likes.
“I’m so impressed,” the user said in the tweet.
I’m at a wedding with female pandits. They introduce the bride as the daughter of <mother’s name> and <father’s name> (mom first!!!). The bride’s dad gave a speech saying he wasn’t doing kanyadaan because his daughter wasn’t property to give away. 🔥🔥🔥 I’m so impressed. pic.twitter.com/JXqHdbap9D
— Asmita (@asmitaghosh18) February 4, 2019
While many were impressed, others questioned the performing of a religious ceremony if it wasn’t going to be followed properly. The Twitter user clarified that the decision of the bride’s father to not perform ‘kanyadaan‘ wasn’t a spontaneous decision, and that both families had agreed to it over six months ago.
“This decision was actually made 6 months ago & both families were in agreement with it,” the Twitter user said said in a reply to a tweet.
And answering all those who were against the ritual and traditions being disregarded, the father of the bride said that the wedding was conducted in accordance with “Gandharva” traditions (a tradition in which the marriage is arranged by the couple).
The bride’s father wanted me to post this clarification regd the right wing hate: Deciding not to do kanyadaan was an ideological decision that he believed in. But it also has scriptural sanction — read about Gandharva marriages. So hopefully this shuts the trolls up :). 👋🏽 pic.twitter.com/IIR3hxcZiX
— Asmita (@asmitaghosh18) February 6, 2019
Nevertheless, the video of the ceremony impressed many.
wow… Wish more people realise that tradition is not beyond questioning and change. After all most of it are conceived and convenient for men. Wonder why men don’t also add the wife’s family name after marriage. Why is the other practice NORMALISED https://t.co/auUIjptRpg
— Onir (@IamOnir) February 5, 2019
New thoughts making new environment in society. Totally impressed ❤️ https://t.co/O5WX57XnK7
— damodar nath pandey (@NathDamodar) February 6, 2019
These are the same group who officiated my cousin’s wedding. Quick, intelligent and a refreshing departure from the pandit droning on for hours saying stuff I don’t follow. https://t.co/XMP6yBPLzX
— Kosturi (@Kosturi23) February 6, 2019
Go Kolkata! We’ve made progress! “My daughter is not property, I’m not giving her away”! https://t.co/zuU67S9dNo
— Pia Law (@lawless_doc) February 6, 2019
This is absolute correct step. Children
Are not property which can be dan or donate.However this is not first
instance, long back my uncle(mamajee)
Did the same thing,he refused to do the kanyadan on the same thought.If possible I will follow the same path.
— rajiv (@rajivrd) February 6, 2019
Now waiting for the time when the entire pandit system will end
— R&AW Mango (@Mangonificent_) February 5, 2019
Even I refused to do that ceremony in my daughter’s wedding…
— Padmakar Tillu (@PadmakarTillu) February 5, 2019
I’d be impressed when they stop having rituals altogether. Marriage itself is patriarchal institution. Just move in. End of story.
— Manish (@SerenityNow19) February 5, 2019
Love it. https://t.co/YoZYCNjMjR
— Aarti Singh Dabas (@AartiSDabas) February 5, 2019
Good one! My brother who is very well read in the old scriptures also did not do Kanyadaan for the same reason! He won arguments with several pundits for it. Please convey support to the family. @Mohanalmal
— Aditya Shroff (@aditshroff) February 5, 2019
In which planet did this happen ? Beautiful people.
— Asheema (@Tontangbi) February 5, 2019
We need more of this https://t.co/dVbdJLu4zO
— Siddhartha Loiwal (@sidloiwal) February 5, 2019
— Azadi (@aazaadee) February 5, 2019
Super stuff. Congratulations to the awesome family. https://t.co/vVvRhdqdhW
— Suman (@sumankargupta) February 5, 2019
Recently, the video of a Bengali woman who was getting married went viral after she refused to perfom a ritual in which she was supposed to throw rice to her mother saying she has ‘repaid all her debts’. The woman retorted that the one can never repay one’s debt to parents, which earned her a lot of praise.