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(Not) The actual reasons why WhatsApp CEO Jan Koum resigned

WhatsApp CEO Jan Koum resigned from the company citing privacy issues. We decided to put our heads together and wonder what other issues could have led to his exit

Written by Ameya Dalvi | Mumbai |
Updated: May 1, 2018 11:09:13 pm
Jan koum, jan koum resign, jan koum exit, whatsapp ceo, whatsapp, facebook, cambridge analytica Could these be the reasons why Jan Koum chose to resign?

I am sure by now you must have heard the news about WhatsApp CEO Jan Koum putting in his papers at Facebook. While there are reasons floating around for his exit, privacy issues being the most cited, we decided to put our heads together and wonder what other issues could have led to him stepping down. Here are the top five reasons we think that may or may not (mostly the latter) have contributed to his decision of moving away from the helm of the most popular messaging app in the world.

Reason 1: Overdose of ‘Good Morning’ messages

It doesn’t matter if you are the creator himself, the creator of WhatsApp I meant, nobody escapes the flood of ‘Good Morning’ messages and images that clog your phone daily even before the sun rises. Us mere mortals can simply choose to ignore or have the odd hissy fit. But what if you were the one who created this monster that you cannot control anymore? Koum clearly didn’t envisage his product being used for such a purpose and there was nothing he could do about it. That’s what happens when you underestimate the elderly, especially in India. Guess there was nowhere left for the poor guy to go but out. Possibly a ‘Happy Sunday’ or ‘Have a great Monday’ message triggered it.

Reason 2: Got added to too many groups without his permission

If the morning greetings weren’t enough to blow his lid, how about being added to countless groups without his permission? Just imagine the level of distraction and the amount of productive time wasted in muting all those groups. And again that feeling of helplessness when your own creation bites you back. A lot of people including yours truly have been requesting for a simple feature where WhatsApp seeks your permission before being added to a group. But no! Looks like he tried exiting a lot of groups and exited one group too many. “Jan Koum has left Facebook.” Oops!


Reason 3: Misunderstood #DeleteFacebook

Maybe he had enough patience to deal with all the messages and groups and it was just a case of misunderstanding. Ever since Cambridge Analytica scandal made the news, Facebook has been in troubled waters. There have been cries from long and far to delete your Facebook account with the #DeleteFacebook tag trending like crazy. Possible the WhatsApp CEO misunderstood the whole movement and deleted himself from Facebook! No Jan, that’s not how it’s supposed to work.

Reason 4: Was forced to use Facebook Messenger at work instead of WhatsApp

If that is indeed the reason, it is perfectly justified. Seriously, why would anyone want to use Facebook Messenger at work when there are so many better options around? Other than the fact that it is a major source of distraction with chats popping up here and there everytime a new message arrives, the Messenger itself is so limited in today’s day and age. We tried using it in a work environment for a while (just in the spirit of experimentation may be – don’t ask) and none of us really liked it. It got under the skin of one of my colleagues so bad that he impulsively wrote a piece on how one can mute or ignore the conversations there to reduce annoyance. So we can completely empathise with Jan if he chose to take a hard stance because of it.

Reason 5: Not enough time to collect rare Porsches and update Whatsapp status daily with their photos and videos

This might be somewhat close to the truth. By his own admission, he needed to take some time off to collect ‘rare air-cooled Porsches’ (a very common hobby indeed). Just imagine sitting on a few billion dollars that Mark Zuckerberg showered him with, and no time to spend it for all these years. At some point, the Porsches were bound to come calling. If he thought this was the right time to move out and live it up, so be it. We must respect his decision and ‘privacy.’ Just one tiny bit of advice – don’t check your WhatsApp while driving your Porsche.

*This is a satire… please take it in that spirit

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