‘I am very desi’: Tara Sutaria’s take on love and the psychology of familiarity

DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to. 

Beyond cultural comfort, Tara also emphasised the importance of inner clarity and emotional grounding in a partner. She said, “I need the person to know who they are. If you know who you are, everything else falls into place, I feel. Self-awareness, self-worth to a certain extent, and having a sense of self as well are very important.” 

Expanding on this, she added, “Knowing who you are in essence and knowing your beliefs, what you stand for, what you don’t stand for, what you will never stand for, and what you could possibly change to stand for—all of these things are so important.”

Why cultural familiarity plays such a strong role in how safe and comfortable people feel in romantic relationships

Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, tells indianexpress.com, “As a psychologist, I often see that cultural familiarity provides an immediate sense of psychological safety that goes beyond language or habits. Our earliest experiences of love, conflict, gender roles, food, festivals, and family expectations are deeply shaped by culture. When a partner shares this background, the nervous system relaxes because less translation is required — emotionally and practically. There’s an implicit understanding of values, humour, boundaries with family, and even unspoken rules about duty and sacrifice.”

 

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Strong sense of self as foundational for healthy partnerships

“A strong sense of self is foundational to healthy relationships because it allows individuals to enter partnerships by choice rather than from fear, dependence, or the need for validation,” notes Khangarot, adding that when people are clear about their values, boundaries, and emotional needs, they can communicate honestly and tolerate differences without feeling threatened. “Self-worth acts as an internal anchor, reducing over-adjustment, people-pleasing, or control.”

Distinguishing between genuine emotional comfort and settling for familiarity out of fear of change

Genuine emotional comfort feels calming and expansive — you feel at ease being yourself, yet supported to grow. Khangarot states, “There is room for disagreement without fear, and safety does not require self-silencing. Comfort here comes from emotional availability, respect, and consistency.”

Settling for familiarity, on the other hand, the expert suggests, often feels predictable but constricting. It’s driven by fear — of loneliness, age, societal pressure, or starting over. You may feel anxious beneath the routine, justify unhappiness, or stay because “this is known,” not because it is nourishing.

DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.