Childhood Trauma – What it is and how to heal it

“…My mother told me she regretted giving birth to me. She would call me dumb and stupid all the time as a child. If I made any mistake, she would dig her nails into my ear lobe or thighs till it would bleed or hit me with the wooden scale. No one outside the home knew this wretched side of her, apart from my sister and I. I struggle with anxiety, low self-esteem and cannot trust people.”

What’s meant to be the safest environment in the world is supposedly the worst. As a psychologist, I hear many personal stories of traumatic experiences, parental abuse and neglect, often from childhood, but these experiences continue to weigh them down heavily.

Childhood is a time in one’s life which is meant to be fun, safe and filled with love. Psychological evidence says that our childhood experiences provide the foundation for future growth, learning, and health and influence success as an adult. As a parent, you would do anything to make your child’s world better as there is nothing more difficult than seeing them in pain, emotional or physical. This article will help you learn about childhood trauma and some ways to support and heal yourself or your loved ones. Children and teenagers are not equipped to deal with abuse, adults struggle to cope too.

The National Institute of Mental Health defines childhood trauma as the experience or witnessing of an event by a child that is emotionally painful or distressful, which often results in lasting mental and physical effects. Common causes include:

•  Regular physical punishment and/or verbal abuse
•  Sexual abuse
•  Bullying and cyber-bullying
•  Parents – regular conflict, going through divorce, additions, critical illness, death
•  Being uncared for or not protected at home (neglect)
• Events such as accidents, war, etc.

The child goes through helplessness without trusted adults to guide them. They struggle to find comfort. This leads to shame, guilt, fear, isolation, anxiety, addictions and so on. Here are some ways to cope:

1. Encourage therapy and counselling – The right professional can help uncover and offload the impact of trauma. Especially if the impact includes nightmares, panic attacks, substance abuse, self-harm, outbursts or depression. One such psychotherapeutic approach is Compassionate Inquiry, which is trauma-informed. The process facilitates the person to access implicit memories stored in the mind and body and heal with compassion. It’s important to find appropriate coping strategies to prevent spiralling downwards.
2. Journaling – This involves writing your thoughts and feelings on a paper about the incidents. Spend time on it daily over several days, it is very therapeutic. Gradually, you will feel a sense of relief.
3. Soothing Activities – Engage in activities and exercises that you find soothing. I’m listing out some common ones that most people enjoy: Making Art – sketching, painting, collage making; listening to music; indulging in physical movement such as running/sport/ yoga.
4. Empathy – Look through their eyes and hearts. Often, experiences of past traumatic incidents are minimised by statements such as forget about it, it happens to so many people, move on, etc. Instead, allow the person to talk freely where you focus on listening and understanding with empathy.

To conclude, physical and psychological abuse from a parent can impair a child, pre-teen or teenager’s emotional development and self-worth for life. The most trusted and secure humans to be with are, our parents. So be mindful when you are triggered or angry, so you don’t say or do something that has effects that are so serious and long-lasting as I know that’s not your intention.

(Shubhika Singh is a senior consultant psychologist specialising in young adults and the co-founder of Innerkraft.com based in Kolkata)

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