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Tuesday, October 20, 2020

Wanted: Republican Presidential candidate. Preferably a crackpot

Despite being a year and a half from the big day,Republican candidates are already lining up for a shot at party nominee.

Written by Anirudh Mathur | New Delhi | May 19, 2011 10:54:54 am

Despite being a year and a half from the big day,Republican candidates are already lining up for a shot at party nominee to take on the yes we can man,Obama. After Sarah Palin’s reality TV show was scrapped for being utter bollocks (simplicity of explanation is a virtue),Mama Grizzly was left looking for a new occupation. Yet the tea party sweetheart and woman of wise words (such as ‘refudiate’) is unlikely to nab Republican nominee. She is not only too divisive,but it won’t take long for the American public,only 37% of whom have passports,to realise they have better foreign policy credentials than her. Still,given this is the group of people that chose George Bush as the mac daddy,never say never.

Of course there was hope in some quarters that Glenn Beck,whose love of America forces him to cry on TV every so often,would take the patriotic stand against the communist fascist Islamic hippy tyranny of Obama’s democrats. But he won’t stand,because the more and more I think about it the more and more I’m sure that his tea-party antics must just be a huge practical joke,given how funny the tea party and its paranoia actually is. He reminds me of my school friend Rob Wickham,who claimed to be a die hard conservative before secretly admitting he was a lefty who found the radical right so funny he had to pretend to be a part of it. In the odd chance I’m wrong about Glenn’s motivations though,his repeated statements he won’t stand,despite fringe pressure,are reassuring. Still,given Palin and Beck’s closeness,let’s all pray against a Palin-Beck ticket. After all,an outside chance of them winning could explain the Mayan warning of apocalypse in December 2012.

Indeed,now Donald Trump,the billionaire and ‘The Apprentice’ star,has fired himself from proceedings,although he claims could beat Obama if he wanted,(equivalent to me saying I could outrun Usain Bolt if I wanted,but can’t really be arsed) the field is much narrower. Alongside this Mike Huckabee,former Arkansas governor and current fox news host,confirmed he won’t stand. This leaves potential candidates former Congressional speaker Newt Gingrich,former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney and former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty alongside polar bear slaughterer Palin,all very happy. Importantly,Beck fans are relieved too: Trump was too frivolous and Huckabee,the young earth creationist who maintains the world is 6000 years old,was “too progressive” for Mr. Beck. See,what a practical joker!

Braveheart: II?

The recent victory of the Scottish National Party to become the sole majority party in the devolved Scottish parliament sent jitters down many spines in the UK. The party,which argues for Scottish independence,is sure to call a Scotland-wide referendum on the matter at some point in its term.

However no matter how much bickering occurs between the home nations,with snide remarks from the English about deep fried mars bars,haggis munching and a second rate football league,and responses from the Scottish laughing at ‘soft southern fairies’ south of the border,there is hope. Even if the home nations can’t trust each other,at least they can unite in their primary emotion: distrusting the French.

Whilst bickering does happen,it’s more siblingly than sinister. Divergences may exist disproportionally to what seems normal for a country the size of the UK,particularly when seen through the Indian context,but it is appreciated that 300 years since Union,both the north as well as the south has gained huge benefits. Most recently,if Scotland had been independent during the financial crisis,it would be an addition to the ‘PIIGS’ nations. SPIIGS maybe,or PISIGS.

Seeing in hindsight that independence would’ve ruined such a witty acronym,Scots are,at least for the moment,dead set against independence.


I had to re-read the headline on Sunday. I’d seen “managing director of the IMF” and “rape” in the same headline before,but previously it was about the MD’s policies raping third world countries. After three re-reads confirmed Dominique Strauss-Kahn had indeed attempted to rape a New York hotel maid,I can only describe my response as utterly dumbfounded – particularly upon hearing the ludicrous nature of him chasing the maid whilst stark naked. Whilst he may still have had a chance if running in Italy,the presidential dreams of the former frontrunner for French socialist party candidate are surely in tatters. Still,maybe he could just take a leaf from Palin-Beck and refudiate it all as a mass conspiracy.

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