Write for Informationhttps://indianexpress.com/article/opinion/columns/write-for-information/

Write for Information

Individuals and issues that are making and faking news

Individuals and issues that are making and faking news

Write for Information

Not since the Freedom Movement has there been a crusade that has created a new class of patriotic activist. The Right to Information Act is essentially a freedom movement,in search of freedom from lies,cover-ups,obfuscation and bureaucratic doublespeak as well as having to listen to official party spokesmen. Now,the demand to bring political parties under its ambit has major implications if it is passed. What if it were to go beyond party finances and source of funds? Here are some of the possible RTI queries and answers that could result from such a development.

RTI query addressed to the Congress party,10 Janpath

What is the role of the Congress President in her interaction (or intervention) with the Centre and the Prime Minister in particular?

As head of a progressive alliance,it is necessary to be progressive and this may entail some progressive pushing and prodding if things seem to be just plodding along. The Prime Minister is far too humble and he needs someone to speak on his behalf and I often do so since we seem to be running out of official spokesmen.

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RTI query addressed to the Prime Minister,c/o 10 Janpath

In light of an RTI response,it seems there are dual power centres?

India’s growing population and recent problems with coal can lead to a power crisis but we can overcome that with the nuclear deal I have initiated and dual use technology. We are even ready to offer power to Pakistan and that will be another kind of dual use technology. So dual power is an idea whose time has come,despite what the media may say and write. Theek hai?

RTI query addressed to the BJP

In light of Mr Advani’s recent posture and pronouncements,does the BJP have a dual power struggle?

Rajnath Singh: As party president,I can safely say there is no need to dial any other number. Narendra Modi is the tallest leader,although we are not short of leaders.

L.K.Advani: The long and short of it is that other BJP chief ministers have done better than you know who,so the question can be resolved at an appropriate party forum headed by Nitin Gadkari or a second one headed by you know who. In any case,I am unwell so I am taking what,in IPL terms,is called a Strategic Time Out.

Sushma Swaraj: The UPA must go immediately so there will be only one power centre remaining. I respect both Rajnathji and Advaniji so lets not waste our enerji on such things. Once the UPA stops its spot fixing and quits,we can decide who will be our PMji.

Arun Jaitley: This is all a creation of the media. Duality,in any event,is inherent in the Indian psyche along with the interchangeability of roles and points of view,so let’s not make this into a tu tu main main kind of story. In any case,we all know that too many cooks spoil the sag,and this issue is largely a saga cooked up by the media. Narendra Modi: All I can say is that they should all watch Go,Goa,Gone. The title is self explanatory.

RTI query to Rahul Gandhi

Will you be projected as Prime Minister in the next elections?

You see boss,this is all smoke. It is all a creation of the media,they keep buzzing around this question like a swarm of bees in a beehive. They forget that a beehive has a Queen Bee who decides and we already have a prime minister who is undecided about a third term,so to bee or not to bee is not the proper question. Boss,we all know who’s the boss,so the question is irrelevant.

RTI query to Arvind Kejriwal,c/o Jantar Mantar

What is the main agenda of the Aam Aadmi party?

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Power and water. We want a power cut so that Sheila Dixit’s reign comes to an end and the aam admi gets power for free and I also need water so that I can end all my fasts with cute little kids offering me the first sip in that made-for-TV moment and I can get on the nine o’clock news. I don’t know why they have stopped covering me but it must be a conspiracy. Why else would they give more air time to Suhel Seth rather than Arvind Kejriwal?