Opinion The unhappiness of the young liberal
Where does this leave the romantic non-conformist who values truth over obedience, devoutness and determined patriotism? Despondent, for sure. The liberal must take solace in Byron’s words, that those who know the most, mourn the deepest.
It stands to reason that anyone preoccupied with myriad problems like caste inequality, corruption and air pollution will be unhappier than someone who stoically shrugs their shoulders, knowing the world is what it is. And gets on with it. Study after study in the West has shown, people who identify as politically liberal have lower levels of happiness and psychological well-being than Conservatives. The demarcation between the two categories in the US applies, broadly, to India too. Liberals tend to be more tolerant and engaged with society’s realities, while a conservative mindset cares more about traditions, loyalty and binding values.
It stands to reason that anyone preoccupied with myriad problems like caste inequality, corruption and air pollution will be unhappier than someone who stoically shrugs their shoulders, knowing the world is what it is. And gets on with it. Indeed, there is wisdom in accepting what can’t be changed, something like the lyrics of the 1990s hit song, Don’t Worry, Be Happy: “In life we have some troubles but when you worry you make it double.” That attitude makes everything a lot simpler because we’re all driven, to some extent, by the pursuit of happiness. But who is finding it? Not the dreamy progressive, beset with existential angst that their country’s politics is organised around fealty to a great leader.
Scan the data more closely, it turns out young, liberal, working women, are the unhappiest demographic. Economic freedom and #MeToo created awareness on gender equality, but the overall culture is lagging far behind. One of Delhi’s top marriage brokers told me a divorced, 30-something man feels entitled to pursue a never-married 28-year-old, and his chances remain good. But a divorced 30+ woman’s options for a man of corresponding calibre are far fewer. Despite financial success and education, the direction of their lives are subject to (cultural) market forces, so it’s hardly surprising that liberal women everywhere harbour a profound sense of disillusionment. Perhaps, the way forward is to acknowledge that equality between the sexes is a cruel myth. One has to wonder, does domestic bliss mean women simply keel over and go back to making the sacrifices a previous generation did to keep marriages afloat? Which was, bluntly, to put the needs of men above their own ambitions.
It’s hard to thrive while severely curtailing aspects of oneself, even if research suggests marriage and motherhood contribute greatly to contentment. India remains one of the few societies where arranged marriages are the norm rather than the exception, and if examined closely the very concept is aligned with down-to-earth, Conservative principles. Maturity means recognising the world won’t reorder itself based on our expectations. So matchmakers strive to eliminate pain points — differences in religion, political views and economic backgrounds — a sound and sensible approach, except it requires people to shut down their minds, stop questioning inherited beliefs and obediently follow the limiting moral standard that has existed for centuries. The thinking rightly goes, nobody gets everything they want; the beaten path is at least comfortingly predictable. Maybe, the secret to happiness is figuring out how to live when what we desire, and what actually is, lie frustratingly far apart. A hark back to that great Indian aphorism, “to adjust”.
Where does this leave the romantic non-conformist who values truth over obedience, devoutness and determined patriotism? Despondent, for sure. The liberal must take solace in Byron’s words, that those who know the most, mourn the deepest. It takes courage to disregard a basic human instinct, to seek certainty in a world that offers none. In fact, the truth, far from setting one free, hurts; to exit the metaphysical grounding of one’s history doesn’t exactly make for happiness. The thinker is never guaranteed peace of mind. Clarity comes only after much meandering into contradictory ideas and opinions but one may discover something far richer; that (wistful) intellectual awareness adds hugely to a meaningful existence if not a blissfully happy one. In an age shadowed by the clash of civilisations, we understand the dangers of systemic exclusion and the either/or binary. In actuality, the world is large enough to honour the many different ways people choose to live.
The writer is director, Hutkay Films
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