Opinion Leher Kala writes: The perils of a family fallout
The long overdue mental health revolution that happened during Covid is that “boundaries” and “trauma” became buzzwords and therapy became trendy.
Rebelling against the conventional wisdom of keeping up appearances as a way to assuage our wounds, creates other (unpleasant) ripples, too. The very public Beckhams’ feud has turned the world’s attention towards a conundrum that applies to everybody. As adults must we dutifully suffer the difficult, obligatory relationships thrust on us by fate till (ugh) death relieves us, or do we have the right to cast off toxic relatives, prioritising our own sanity? Chances are, our opinions on this are shaped by our backgrounds. In India, parents enjoy godly status but that’s not to say there are fewer disgruntled adult children here. Just, that in the most peculiar and specifically Indian mindset, we’ve learnt to accept that pain is in our destiny. Like one must grin and bear traffic jams, a bad boss, power cuts and garbage strewn roads, so must one endure family, however irritating they may be.
The long overdue mental health revolution that happened during Covid — when we had too many hours to navel gaze and introspect on the state of our lives — is that “boundaries” and “trauma” became buzzwords and therapy became trendy. Somewhere, the idea gained traction that “I” comes first at all cost, so much so that people view the severing of family ties as a justifiable move towards personal growth. The culture supports this. On one of her shows, Oprah congratulated people who had gone no contact with their families. No doubt, there are many cases of violence and neglect where cutting off a parent might be necessary, but more often, it’s parental stupidity, of interference and lecturing that maddens an overly sensitive generation into complete withdrawal. Psych speak is everywhere so we’ve all learnt (superficially) to identify “narcissism” and “emotionally immature” people. That we see ghosting people as the best solution smacks of a vengeful kind of maliciousness — you did this and that to me, so I have a right to kick you out, no explanation required.
Is anyone actually happier after creating such a profound disruption for hitherto loved ones? Blinded by anger and embarking on some (righteous) warpath doesn’t exactly make for contentment for the disruptor either. A state of nothingness may provide temporary relief but grievances don’t automatically vanish. Frustratingly, they continue to occupy headspace for all involved. Having said that, one can’t help but feel some sympathy for Brooklyn Beckham whose emotional injuries it seems, date back to toddlerhood. His infant pictures were sold to OK! magazine and on one occasion, when he was hanging with a girlfriend at 16, the paparazzi, allegedly informed by his mother, showed up. When he’s finally taken a stand, Brooklyn must politely endure conservative commentators like Piers Morgan refer, predictably and witheringly, to the curse of the proverbial silver spoon, as if having wealthy and famous parents doesn’t entitle someone to have any feelings at all.
Most of us slog in the real world without a safety net. And so quite naturally believe that someone lucky enough to carve a career off the residual fame of a surname shouldn’t be complaining. Or trashing his parents. Fine, the relentless public glare is exhausting but what about the fantastic financial benefits? The thing is when a family functions as a commercially viable private limited corporation, there’s always a risk that new mergers and acquisitions won’t work out. Fissures in families, rich or poor, stem largely from the same issues; people feel misunderstood, sometimes the effect of divorces linger on. The belief that a sibling received preferential treatment is particularly common. All valid grouses indeed, as long as one also accepts what we in 2026 call harmful behaviour, a lot of older people simply don’t get it. Probably, because they tolerated far worse from their parents. Psychology Today wasn’t available for free on the Internet to explore our hurts, ad nauseam. Rebelling against the conventional wisdom of keeping up appearances as a way to assuage our wounds, creates other (unpleasant) ripples, too.
The writer is director, Hutkay Films
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