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The most irritating sights and sounds

Individuals and issues that are making and faking news.

Written by Dilip Bobb |
November 10, 2013 5:03:04 am

Individuals and issues that are making and faking news.

There are any number of things that are guaranteed to ruin our day. Now,thanks to 24/7 television,it’s become an endless parade,enough to make you want to immigrate to Mars,now we know we can get there,or better still,Jupiter,where there is apparently something called escape velocity. Here is my list of the most irritating sights.

Politicians asking for votes: If you are unfortunate enough to be in a state preparing for elections,you will be in quite a state. Normally,they treat you like they would a domestic servant,but come election,and they arrive looking like a cross between Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa,promising you free electricity,water,laptops,TV sets,jobs for the family,reservations in colleges,cheap rice and vegetables (minus onions),riches beyond your dreams and other incentives. Entertaining,but irritating since it’s manifestly false.

Social media abbreviations: Social media,especially Twitter with its restriction on letters,has turned us all into walking acronyms. We say BTW for By the Way,AFAIK for As Far as I Know,AAMOF,which stands for As a Matter of Fact. In net lingo,**// means wink,wink,nudge nudge,then there are hashtags to add to the confusion,and to further confound it,there are some acronyms which actually mean different things. LOL means Laughing out Loud as well as Lots of Love and,more confusingly,BTW stands for By The Way as well as Bring The Wheelchair! It leaves me SMH (Shaking My Head).

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Diwali bonus seekers: The most irritating breed of all; they seem to crawl out of every crack and crevice every year at Diwali time,all frozen in the same pose — arms outstretched and faces expectant. Some,like flu and taxes,are unavoidable. It’s the ones you only see one day a year that bug you the most,and include the woman who claims she cleans your street,the man who says he tends the park near your house,and an assortment of others who all claim to be providing you some service though you have never seen any of them in your life.

Cricket commentators-turned-poets: Call it the Tendulkar Effect but now that the little big man is hanging up his bat,cricket commentators have gone all poetic and misty eyed,making the god of cricket the king of hyperbole. Even hardened commentators who are usually miserly with praise,have been finding new Sachin superlatives in between wiping their tears,chocking up on nostalgia and brushing up on their synonyms. Saurav Ganguly even christened him the “Son of India” which has left us quite confused since we were taught that Mahatma Gandhi was the Father of the Nation. And,there’s still one more Test match to go!

Recorded messages: What happened to all those people who manned the phones at offices,utility companies and service providers? The short answer: they have been replaced by a recording. There’s nothing more irritating than calling someone at their office and a recorded voice asking you to press a variety of numbers and then asking you to call the right extension number,which you would have if only you had known it in the first place. Try calling a service provider to complain and you get the same digital run around till you finally hang up in frustration. It’s fiendishly clever,since you can’t yell and scream at a recording,and the option you want is usually not among those that are offered. It’s also a lot cheaper and settles the question of machine versus man. Machines win,big time.

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