Hi. It’s me. The one who’s increased biscuit sales across the country — the nation wants to know which brand I eat. Everyone is talking about me: By Sunday night, according to NDTV, I had received 20,000 likes on Twitter and 8,000 retweets. For a piddling little fellow, who simply listened to his master’s voice, that’s not too bad, is it?
Monday, I spent admiring myself. Not in the mirror, silly, on the telly: I set tongues wagging across channels without a swish of the tail. I was even the subject of a very silly debate on the news show of that young bloke. You know, the one who shares a first name with my master — or am I his master? — on The Newsroom, India Today. Assam BJP’s Himanta Biswa Sharma, and that grey sideburns Congressman (Pawan Khera) fought over me like cats and dogs. The dogs of war, more like — see, I know my Shakespeare and Frederick Forsyth too!
On the subject of my master, have you noticed how Bollywood and tellywood still name their heroes after mine? The latest Rahul I saw was in the new TV serial Kaal Bhairav Rahasya (Star Bharat) — actor Rahul Sharma plays the protagonist, Rahul. Imagine. Didn’t watch too much of it, though, as I hid under a chair. It’s a scary show: Inside a huge temple, there was the shadow of a big, bad dog waiting to pounce — just as I did on the biscuit in my master’s hand.
So, where was I? Oh, yes, it all began with RG making a catty remark about his canine pet in a tweet where he admitted that I am the bark behind his bite. And just so everyone could see how very clever I am, I performed my little, lovable biscuit number — to train my master in the tricks of the trade, you understand. In politics, you can have your biscuit and eat it too but first you must sniff out the situation, balance all, bring all to mind (sorry, poet Yeats) and “snap” — without biting off your nose to spite your face.
Simple. Any dog can teach you that.
The video of me doing that? Went into a viral tailspin across all media and took me with it. Since then, I am bow-wowing viewers everywhere.
I am (almost) very famous; everyone is having a good laugh — at me, my master and my BJP “mitron” who have no sense of humour. If they did, Star Plus wouldn’t have pulled Shyam Rangeela’s mimicry of PM Narendra Modi off the Great India Laughter Challenge.
Instead, they’re behaving like a dog in the manger: That Himanta Biswa said all kinds of rude things about Rahul to Rahul (Kanwal, India Today). If he ever comes visiting my 12, Tughlak Lane home again, I shall nip him on the bot. Speaking of bots, my bots are my best feature; they have been featured extensively in the media, TV debates, after Master Rahul’s social profile improved and ANI claimed he had a Russian or Kazakh connection — just like Donald Trump?
Yes, I am very well known now. Better, it may even be, than Sardar Patel ji, who, my prime minister said on TV, Tuesday morning, had been “forgotten”. The Iron Man used “Sam Dam Dhand Bhed” to unite the states, he said. Fortunately, I’ve been watching Star Bharat’s serial by that name — giant killer Vijay has just defeated his mightier political opponent — so I know what the PM meant: To succeed, politicians divide to rule but Patel ruled by uniting. Isn’t that what opposition unity is all about?
Back to my back story: The reason why my master revealed the real boss of his “bots” is because Divya Spandana “Ramya” is being credited for his rising popularity. Arnab G devoted an hour to Rahul’s “Botgate” (Republic) and Times Now, India Today, NDTV 24×7 debated the “Rahul wave” (India Today). It was so dog-gone unfair, I howled all night and R ji didn’t sleep a wink. The next thing I know, he had put out the biscuit video, identified me as his muse and I am the man’s best friend again.
Of course, as he has admitted I am “way B-) than him”. Way, way better than those TV types, leastways: Didn’t I teach them to yap-yap on the air if they want to be heard? Aren’t they all barking their heads off, now?
I could teach them a thing about patriotism, too: All they do is yap about #StandForAnthem (Times Now), lolling in their chairs, whereas I stand to attention, on my hind legs, at the snap of the fingers.
Not bad for a small dog named Pidi.