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Friday, January 21, 2022

Flipside: New year revolutions

From Narendra Modi to Rahul Gandhi to Virat Kohli, what are their new year resolutions?

Written by Dilip Bobb |
Updated: January 4, 2015 12:00:41 am
modi-gandhi-kohli From quitting a bad habit to losing weight or something far more weightier. Here are some New Year resolutions by some prominent Indians.


Someone once referred to New Year resolutions as something that goes in one year and out the other. Yet every year-end, there is an attempt by individuals to try and resolve issues that may be bothering them, from quitting a bad habit to losing weight or something far more weightier. Here are some New Year resolutions by prominent people and, in some cases, it’s nothing short of a New Year revolution. Lend them a ear, or year.

A K Sinha: The new CBI director has vowed to acquire a new parrot. The old one, kept in a gilded cage, was giving the agency a bad name, quite apart from the bad names entered in his predecessor’s visitor’s diary. Thanks to the Supreme Court, the CBI had started being referred to as ‘caged parrot’ and it was starting to reflect badly on other investigative agencies under the belief that birds of a feather block together. The new parrot is circus trained to talk and squawk without spilling the beans.

Narendra Modi: The Prime Minister has vowed to both expand and contract. No it’s got nothing to do with his 56-inch chest, but with expanding the saffron wave across four other states by 2016. Already, he has started with the launch of a ‘Saffron Production & Export Development Agency to be headquartered at Srinagar’, according to an official notification. If J&K does fall into the saffron fold, its export to other states can no longer be taken with a pinch of salt. From expand to contract, which has to do with his obsession for acronyms, the latest being NITI (National Institute for Transforming India), which replaces the Planning Commission. He’s already coined ABCD (Adarsh, Bofors, Coal and Damad), RSVP (Rahul, Sonia, Vadra, Priyanka), B2B (Bharat to Bhutan), and a host of others, suggesting that the former RSS functionary still loves his shorts.

Robert Vadra: I pledge to stop landing in trouble in a bid to expand the family holdings, which have shrunk alarmingly over recent months. Also, to cooperate with the agencies probing my deals by shedding more light, or skylight, on all transactions. I have also pledged to not lose my cool and be nicer to the paparazzi (the word is of Italian origin after all), and not ask them if they are serious so many times. I sounded like a caged parrot, I am told. Also promise not to annoy the mango people, they could be in power in Delhi and have threatened to expose me — all they need to do is visit my gym. I also pledge to stop giving advice to my brother-in-law on how to run the party as it doesn’t seem to be helping.

Rahul Gandhi: I pledge to ask myself some leading questions about leadership: why have I gone backward while going forward? How to stop being labelled as student of the year when I am 44 years old? Should I be on Twitter when my opponents call me a twit, or on Facebook with my face covered in stubble, a beard or clean shaven? Profound questions and, in 2015, I promise to find the answers.

Virat Kohli: To ask myself some leading questions about leadership. Should I go forward or back? Should I keep the stubble or grow a beard? Should I stop kissing my bat? Should I call Mitchell Johnson a twit to his face or on Facebook?

Subramanian Swamy: I have all the questions and I also have all the answers, if only that fool of a TV anchor would give me a chance to speak.

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