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Sunday, January 16, 2022

Flip side: Potus and Lotus

Potus (Obama) asked Lotus (Modi) to join him in his smog-proof enclosure so they could watch tableaux together

Written by Dilip Bobb |
Updated: January 25, 2015 12:00:41 am

It was the ideal advertisement for PM Narendra Modi’s Swachh Bharat campaign — Delhi has been swept clean, thanks to security for Potus, President Obama, at the Republic Day Parade. Birds, bees, dogs, citizens, anything that moves, have been told to freeze, which they were anyway thanks to the weather. In keeping with their bromance, Potus asked Lotus (Modi) to join him in his smog-proof enclosure so they could watch the tableaux together. Here’s how it could go.

Potus: This reminds me of Macy’s Parade in New York with all those floats and figures filled with hot air. Tell me about the first one; it looks like a headless chicken and various groups are fighting among themselves, there is a guy with a muffler and a broom, and a woman cop trying to calm them down. Reminds me of the House of Representatives and Nancy Pelosi.

Lotus: That’s Delhi. We choose the states that can display a tableau, it’s stage-managed. Delhi doesn’t have a government since the last chief minister chickened out, hence the headless chicken. The groups are the main parties in the fray making their grievances public. It’s called democracy, something you Americans started. The muffler guy is a has-been and the woman cop is his replacement — like you, a supercop.

Potus: What’s she yelling on the loudspeaker?

Lotus: Something about me having the most beautiful face in the world.

Potus: I was told that was Aishwarya Rai.

Lotus: The media calls it the Modi Effect. It affects people in strange ways, like that general secretary of the Congress party, who said I have a beautiful Indian face.

Potus: The next tableau looks interesting, that lady in the bathroom slippers with a bamboo in her hand. Reminds me of Michelle when I’ve done something wrong.

Lotus: It’s West Bengal and the lady is Mamata Banerjee, the Chief Minister. She’s a slippery customer and keeps accusing me of sticking a bamboo in her business. She’s the political equivalent of an IED.

Potus: Reminds me of Sarah Palin. Is that your space programme float? It’s got a spacecraft and guys in loincloths writing equations on a rock.

Lotus: Those are our ancient scientists. They built spacecraft in 1750 BC and came up with the Pythagoras theorem before he did, they also knew all about plastic surgery.

Potus: Reminds me of the Republicans. What’s the next one, people crossing over a wooden bridge? Are those your development planks?

Lotus: No, those are all the people lining up to join the BJP. We call it ghar wapsi.

Potus: Reminds me of 2008, we called it the housing bubble. Here come the armed forces contingents, those helicopters look real slow and ungainly, so last year. Maybe you should buy some of our Chinooks and Apaches.

Lotus: As long as you make in India. Outsource it to us.

Potus: We know all about outsourcing to India. We call it being Bangalored. What’s this next tableau with an empty chair at the centre and a giant map?

Lotus: That’s Jammu & Kashmir. The map shows it’s an integral part of India, we just need a government to be formed to make it official.

Potus: Reminds me of our talks on the nuclear deal and climate change. What’s this tableau with all the ducks?

Lotus: Our cricket team, battered and bruised and ducking the bouncers.

Potus: Lame ducks? Reminds me of what they say about me. We really do seem to have a lot in common.

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