When Bollywood went to Vilayat

quot;Only then did I realize how big a star she was,quot; JP chortled. But the oddcouples on stage just kept pouring in. What can be odder than David Dhawanand Miranda Richardson? The two looked as well matched on stage asShatrughan Sinha and Priya Rajvansh. When Thora Birch the brilliantteenager who played Kevin Spacey’s daughter in American Beauty sauntered onstage with Karan Johar, co-emcee Anupam Kher who was strangely out ofsorts introduced Johar with superlatives while Birch was just mentioned asa name.

Anupam should have done thora research before coming on stage, no? At leastRaveena Tandon who danced to Lou Bega’s hit as though at gunpoint couldsee the lighter side of Hollywood luminaries being ignored and slighted.When she came on stage with Susannah York she made it a point to tell theBritish actress that she had seen and loved her in the film They ShootHorses, Don’t They? Susannah returned her compliment by telling Raveena shehad seen and liked her in School. quot;It’s Shool,quot; Raveena stage whispered.They haven’t coached her well. That I thought was the funniest line in whatwas otherwise a tediously repetitive overlong and self-congratulatory awardspageant.

There were high points: Sunil Dutt’s heart-warming speech after he receivedthe lifetime achievement award, Lata Mangeshkar’s shy confession that shehad lasted so long only because listeners have liked her and composers gaveher good songs to sing.

Akshay Kumar giving away an award to his transparently delighted idol JackieChan was also a historic occasion. The two of them looked so well matched onstage. Someone should immediately cast them together in a film. Jackie infact urged the producers directors present that evening to cast him in aHindi film. quot;I’m not expensive,quot; he lisped cutely. Backstage he told thebreathy emcee whose dress code and interviewing acumen needed immediateattention that he had seen Akshay on screen and liked what he saw.

There was so much talent from India and Hollywood. And what did theInternational Indian Film Awards do with them? Turn them into a saturatedrazzmatazz. Why did Sanjay Dutt go all the way to London and do the samething that he probably would have done at film awards in Mumbai? It was likebuying khadi from Marks amp; Spencers. Akshay Kumar’s martial arts item withthe Chinese monks was a treat. But about the other stars and their trademarkthumkas, the less said the better.

The latest Star Bestseller, Dil Se directed by Anil Ghosh, was aninterestingly plotted whodunit where A.R.Rahman’s song from Mani Rathnam’sDil Se served as a leading clue in solving the murder mystery. The songChaiyyan chaiyyan snagged on the murder victim’s wife Tisca Arora’stape-recorder no aspersions cast on the quality of tapes being supplied bymusic companies, I hope?. And guess what? The two cops on duty foundChaiyyan chaiyyan playing with the same snagged sound at the suspectedmurderer’s home! Sukhwindara thereby went from being a playback to paybacksinger within 50 minutes flat.

The building opposite had earlier been seen on Zee’s Suspense Hour about ayear back. I don’t know if this was just co-incidental or a consciousrepetition. But I guess suspense writers on television are running out oftricks.

Sahara’s Kagaar last week was at least more original. This tightly plottedsuspense thriller was shot in a bungalow we hadn’t seen before. Thespiralling staircase, the gleaming rooms and the upperclass ambience wereused to create spatial harmony. Pavan Malhotra was brilliantly devious, ashe plotted to get rid of his murdered partner’s body which he had stashedaway in his bedroom cupboard. The quicksilver decisions and theheart-in-the-mouth suspense prompted the antagonist’s partner-in-crime toexclaim, quot;Seth, tumhara yeh nautanki company superhit haiquot;.

Zee News’ prime time reserves Friday nights for movie-related stories. Thelady newsreader informed us with a straight face that Tarkieb was directedby Ismail Merchant. By the time she corrected herself I had time to seek outa common ground between Ismail Merchant and Eshmayeel Shroff. They both shottheir films In Custody and Tarkieb respectively in Bhopal. Thank you, ZeeNews for making such a constructive faux pas.

If women complain about being treated as decorative dolls on the visualmedium, then they must blame their own kind for this gender difference. OnZee’s Closeup Antakshari the women are invariably the sleeping partnerswhile the men do all the singing. At least they try to. Last week VinodRathod lost points when he tried valiantly to remember the words for Tumitna jo muskura rahe ho prompting his rival Roshan Abbas to quip, quot;Vinodnumber tum khoye jaa rahe ho.quot; Look who was talking. Abbas who has hostedmusic shows on television seemed completely at a loss in the Antakshari.

Strangely, Kumar Sanu was partnered by music director Usha Khanna whocouldn’t recall too many songs in spite of being a part of the film musicbusiness for more than 40 years. Sanu and Usha hugged after he scored pointsfor them. She should first learn the words of Aaja re pardesi beforedemanding a hug.