My strong animal instincts have guided me all my life

Living his second life,the Indian fashion designer says he could never see himself in a regular job or in the family business.

What does spirituality mean to you?
Being actually in touch with your inner self,with who you really are. And then,how that core self connects to the outer world,to what I strongly believe in,to the universe.

How do you connect to your inner self?
I dont think you can meditate yourself towards it. Rather,its about being completely honest to yourself about who you are and not try to be anyone else. Its always been the most important thing for me: be who you are and stay within that zone. Dont try and step over the line of what is real for you.

Its also got a lot to do with a lack of fear to face who you are. Many people fear who they are and keep running away from themselves. It requires some courage to face who you actually are. And if you are the same inside and outside its easier to reach that core. Because then,there are no walls or barriers.

I have very strong instincts,animal instincts. And I follow them. They have always guided me. Instincts,impulses,being in touch with who I am have been the main anchors of my life.

Life being a race,it is easy to get out of touch,isnt it?
True. I dont think it is possible to be all the time fully in touch with ourselves. And we do get carried away at times in the race of life,or in the rut we all are in. But every now and then,life has its own natural ways to ground you and make you realize the importance of the self.

For instance,I had a huge reality check last February when I went through a massive health problem. I am a positive person so I think it happened for a good reason. It certainly grounded me. It made me realize I was getting carried away with my life,my health,everything. This heart attack was natures way to tell me hold on,this is not the way. And suddenly the entire universe stopped swirling at the pace it used to swirl. Everything calmed down,I calmed down and I went back to my inner self.

So nature has its own wonderful ways to make sure you stay in touch with your inner self.

And if you listen to the message,that kind of crisis wont happen again?
Absolutely. The message was loud and clear in my case. And I certainly dont want to go there again.

So I have pretty much detached myself from the frivolity of the life that surrounded me as a designer. I detached myself from a number of people whom I think were not the right people for me. I severed some relationships which I felt were false or shallow. I have learnt to cherish much more the genuine ones. And I have become a bit more selfish.

I used to always live my life for others. Now me comes first,I live my life for myself.

When you cut out the outside to a certain extent,you tend to realize much more where you need to draw a line and stay within your own zone. Everyone has a zone. I found it back again. Maybe I had lost it somewhere along the line. And I am now pretty intensely guarded by my own zone.

You were not tempted to give up fashion?
Absolutely not,quite the contrary. Apart from the fact that its a problem to run it as a business,fashion is something I could never give up. In fact I became closer to it. I felt more connected to it because I felt more connected to myself. And I realized after what happened how much fashion is truly me. I had started doing all sorts of other things,a lot of experimenting,which might have been fun. But because of the reconnect with the inner self,I also reconnected with the inner sensibility about what I do.

So its been much better since then. Not only from my own point of view but also from many others. Fashion is the last thing I would want to give up. Id love to give up running a business and give it to somebody else. But the fashion part is something I could never give up as long as I can think.

Was it a passion since you were a child?
I could never see myself in a regular job or anything that had to do with the family business. I always knew I would do something different. And I did have a creative ability.

But I didnt know it would be fashion. I grew up in Kashmir so I was never exposed to any of it. I went through a phase of wanting to be a doctor,because I was really good at biology,physiology etc. Then I thought I would be a writer as I used to read a lot.

But even though I dont believe there is such a thing as destiny,there is a little bit lying there. And it is up to you to take it up or not. My brother was in the fashion business,I had a creative ability,there was an opportunity,and I grabbed it. The path got carved for

me,and I flowed with it. When I got more into fashion,textiles and so on,I understood that this is the thing for me. I must have been 17 or 18 by then.

So is life preordained in anyway?
There is just a little bit of that,then it is entirely up to you. I had some passion inside,and a natural instinct towards it. But I dont think it was written I had to be a fashion designer.

Is there such a thing as God or some divine force helping you on the journey?
Yes,but for me its all about energies. We need to create our own energies,our own flow,our own positive aura,our own protective shields. Because there are a lot of envious people out there envious of you and of your success. They will do anything to destroy you. So you need to build a suraksha kavach around you,a protective shield.

You need to have that on switch-on mode all the time. I do feel the presence of evil and evil thoughts around me a lot.

Are you very sensitive to peoples energies?
Extremely. And if I feel its negative I walk off instantly.

Did you have a religious upbringing?
Not really. My mother is religious and there was a temple in the house,but nothing was ever forced upon us. And I dont feel like going to temples and so on. We have a temple all the time around us. I dont need to go to a concrete building with an idol for that. I can sit right here or anywhere else to pray. God doesnt have a specific address where I need to go to reach Him.

At times of huge challenge,where is your anchor?
At the end of the day,in my family. They are more than supportive and always there. I can depend on them for anything at any time. And a few friends.

If there were one question you could ask God,what would it be?
What is the purpose of life? Why are we here? What is all of this about? We are born,we grow,we shit and then we die. Why? Why bother?

When through your creations you can touch some peoples lives or create some beauty,does it feel purposeful?
Well,when you look at the whole universe and how small we are,not even a spec,this kind of creation is not significant enough to be the purpose. Of course within your own little world and little sphere of humanity,yes,making those kinds of contributions sounds meaningful. Whatever contribution you can bring,according to what your talents are. But I would much rather be remembered for being someone who has touched millions of peoples lives in other ways.

Like what?
I dont know. But much more than what I am doing. I think I am doing a pretty good job at what I am doing. But in terms of purpose,there are many larger purposes than this.

If there were such a thing as rebirth,what would you choose for the next round?
I dont really believe there is such a thing. I think we die and thats it. But just in case,then Id like to be a rock-star without the drugs and without dying at 30. I think they have the best lives.

What is your idea of happiness?
To be able to do what you want.

So are you happy?
I like the creative part of what I do,but I really dislike the business side of it. Still,of course I am extremely happy to be doing what I do. I am blessed about that. And more importantly,I am blessed to be alive at all ! I thank god every day that I was saved and given a second innings,I got a second chance. It is like being reborn again.

But total happiness would be to live on a beach,without having to worry about any material constraint.

Wouldnt you be bored after a while?

I am never bored with myself. You can only be bored if you are unhappy with who you are. My calling has always been the sea,the ocean,the beach,where I can completely abandon myself without any worries. When I think of happiness I think of blue sea and white sand. A good book or nice people around are irrelevant. Anything else is irrelevant.

Because I am a free spirit. And Ive always been.