‘Never asked my father for help’: Shahid Kapoor revisits childhood after his parents’ split; why it influences how adults raise their own children

He credited his wife, Mira, for helping him maintain balance: “Mira is very supportive. She understands most things about me and has made a rule that when we are at home, we don’t discuss work. It’s very rare that we talk about films.”

Shahid also addressed assumptions about privilege, revealing that his parents’ separation when he was three influenced not only how others perceived him but how he understood his own identity. “People think I am an actor because I am Pankaj Kapur’s son, but my parents separated when I was just three. I didn’t spend much time with my father, so nobody even knew I was his son, nor did I ever use his name. I lived with my mother. Things just fell into place for me. I never asked my father for help, and he never made calls to get me work.” While he said he was “too young” to fully process the divorce, he acknowledged that “you do feel the void. I think many people can relate.”

Returning to his role as a parent, Shahid emphasised the importance of letting children grow into their own identities. “I don’t think it’s right to burden kids with their parents’ dreams. As a father, I try to nurture the good qualities my children already have and motivate them to pursue their own goals.”

So, how can early experiences of parental separation shape a person’s emotional patterns and parenting approach later in life?

Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, told indianexpress.com, “Early parental separation can subtly shape a child’s emotional blueprint. When a parent is emotionally or physically absent in the formative years, the child often develops a heightened sensitivity to abandonment, inconsistency, or unmet emotional needs.” 

She adds that many individuals “become extremely intentional parents, wanting to give their children what they lacked.” Others may struggle with emotional closeness or fear of repeating the past. Therapy often reveals that these responses aren’t flaws but early survival strategies. 

Strategies for parents to encourage independence and identity-building in their children 

“Parents often unintentionally project their own fears or unfinished ambitions onto their children, but there are effective strategies to prevent this and support healthy identity-building,” says Khangarot. The first is perspective-taking: regularly asking, ‘Is this my child’s interest or my need?’ This pause helps separate the parent’s inner narrative from the child’s autonomy.

Second, identifying what the child naturally gravitates toward and nurturing those abilities rather than redirecting them toward parental preferences is necessary. Third, practice autonomy-supportive communication: offer choices, invite opinions, and let children make age-appropriate decisions. 

“Parents can also reflect on their own insecurities through journaling or therapy, so they don’t spill over into the child’s life,” concludes the expert.