When Salim Khan spoke about ‘not planning’ the career and life of his three sons — Salman, Arbaaz, Sohail: ‘Life planning se chalti nahi hai…’

“His analogy of children growing like trees—needing protection, nourishment, and space rather than rigid planning—sheds light on modern parenting,” says Arpita Kohli, Psychologist & Counsellor, PSRI Hospital.

Why non-interference works when paired with emotional presence

Agreeing with Khan’s statement, Kohli further explains, “A non-interference style works beautifully only when it comes with emotional availability. Children flourish when they feel accepted for who they are instead of being pushed to match a parent’s blueprint.”

In her opinion, “Allowing children to explore their interests at their own pace fosters strong self-esteem and emotional security. But she cautions that complete detachment is unhealthy. Guidance is essential.”

 

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Balancing protection and autonomy through childhood

This balance between protection and autonomy forms the core of Khan’s philosophy. He emphasises that while young children need safeguarding, parents must gradually step back as their children grow. Kohli echoes this statement. “Early structure builds safety, but autonomy builds competence,” she says. “The healthiest parenting style is scaffolded…”

How reduced parental control shapes identity

It’s a principle that Khan lived by with his sons—Salman, Arbaaz, and Sohail. His refusal to micromanage their paths, he believes, helped them develop into independent adults, explains Kohli. She adds, “When children have psychological space, they discover their own values and preferences… Autonomy also deepens confidence…”

Avoiding projected expectations in a high-pressure culture

Khan’s assertion that “life does not work according to planning” feels particularly relevant in today’s high-pressure culture, where parents often project career expectations onto children, says Kohli. She further suggests shifting from outcome-focused parenting to growth-focused parenting: “Instead of dictating career paths, parents should help children explore different interests…”

Letting children grow in their own natural direction

“Khan’s tree metaphor aligns closely with contemporary psychological understanding: nourish the roots, provide sunlight, offer guidance—but let the tree grow in its own natural direction. Parenting isn’t about planning a child’s life. It’s about walking beside them while they discover it,” emphasises Kohli.