‘Supriya ki aankhein dekho, kitni achchi hai’: Ratna Pathak Shah on building self-confidence despite measuring her looks against sister’s
When asked how her perception changed, Ratna Pathak Shah recalled, “The women I hung with were so not involved with the way they looked.”
Ratna Pathak Shah admited that she once grappled with insecurities about her looks (Source: Express archive photo) Actor Ratna Pathak Shah has always been known for her intelligence, wit, and acting talent, but she admits that she once grappled with insecurities about her looks — and even compared her appearance to that of her sister, Supriya Pathak.
Reflecting on this during an interview with Hauterrfly, she shared, “I didn’t consider myself good-looking. I was very worried about my teeth, very thin lips, aankhein badi nahi hai, Supriya ki aankhein dekho, kitni achchi hai (Your eyes aren’t big. Look at Supriya’s eyes, how beautiful they are). “
However, instead of letting these insecurities consume her, Ratna found confidence by focusing on personal growth. “But it didn’t really bother me, because I think I was focused on that I wanted to build myself as a whole person, not merely as a person who looks like X or Y,” she said.
When asked how her perception changed, she recalled, “The women I hung with were so not involved with the way they looked. There were many other things we could talk about. This focus on the way you look, the way you dress, the way you present yourself as an attractive person, was not so intense, I would think at that time.”
Her perspective challenges the deep-rooted belief that physical appearance defines self-worth.
But, how does societal emphasis on conventional beauty standards impact self-esteem, especially among siblings who are compared to each other?
Neha Cadabam, senior psychologist and executive director at Cadabams Hospitals, tells indianexpress.com, “Society’s narrow definitions of beauty can exert immense pressure on individuals, particularly when comparisons are drawn among siblings. Constant exposure to idealised images and standards often leads to internalizing unrealistic expectations. For siblings, this comparison can intensify feelings of inadequacy, where one may feel they fall short if they do not mirror those conventional attributes. This dynamic can undermine self-esteem and create an environment where external appearance is overvalued, often at the expense of recognising personal talents, intellect, and emotional depth. Such societal pressures not only distort self-perception but also complicate familial relationships by fostering competition rather than mutual support.”
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How can individuals develop a mindset like Ratna Pathak Shah’s, where they focus on overall growth rather than focusing just on physical appearance?
Developing a holistic mindset involves redefining what it means to be ‘successful’ and ‘beautiful.’ “It begins with self-reflection and the recognition that personal growth encompasses emotional, intellectual, and social development – not merely physical traits. Adopting a growth mindset, where challenges are viewed as opportunities for learning and self-improvement, can help shift focus away from external appearances. Practices such as journaling, meditation, or even engaging in creative pursuits provide avenues to explore one’s inner landscape and set meaningful personal goals,” notes Cadabam.
Embracing diversity in beauty and celebrating individual uniqueness fosters resilience against societal pressures. Ultimately, by valuing overall development and inner strengths, individuals can achieve a balanced, confident self-view that mirrors the holistic approach.
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