‘Apna main hatana padhta hai’: Nakuul Mehta shares three pillars of good fatherhood

His three pillars — removing ego, being fully present, and nurturing the partnership with the child’s mother — resonate deeply with modern parenting psychology. But how do these ideas hold up from a clinical lens?

Arpita Kohli, Psychologist & Counsellor at PSRI Hospital, Delhi, explains why these seemingly simple principles are foundational to healthy child development.

The role of ego in fatherhood

According to Kohli, reducing ego in fatherhood is “extremely important because it allows a father to respond to the child’s needs with empathy rather than control or authority.”

However, Kohli cautions against the idea of complete self-erasure. “Completely selfless love can become unhealthy if a father suppresses his own needs, identity, or boundaries. Healthy parenting requires balance — being deeply loving while maintaining self-respect and emotional well-being.”

 

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‘To be fully present’

In an era of constant notifications and distractions, being emotionally present is harder than ever. But it may be one of the most critical aspects of parenting, suggests Kohli.

“A father’s emotional presence significantly shapes a child’s attachment style,” she explains. When fathers are attentive and responsive, children are more likely to develop secure attachment — the foundation of confidence, resilience, and healthy emotional regulation.

Children who feel seen and heard are better equipped to manage stress and navigate relationships. On the flip side, if a father is physically present but emotionally distracted, it can lead to insecurity or anxiety later in life. Presence, therefore, isn’t just about time spent; it’s about emotional engagement, she adds.

‘Teri maa pehle’

Perhaps the most striking part of Nakuul’s reflection is his emphasis on nurturing the relationship with the child’s mother. He likens it to watering a plant — if the foundation isn’t strengthened, nothing truly blossoms.

“The quality of the parental relationship directly influences a child’s sense of emotional security,” says Kohli. When children witness warmth, respect, and cooperation between parents, they internalise a sense of stability. This supports emotional development, social confidence, and positive behavioural outcomes.

Conversely, ongoing conflict or emotional distance between parents can heighten stress and create insecurity, she adds. “A nurturing partnership between parents often becomes the child’s first template for understanding love and relationships.”