Mrunal Thakur-Bipasha Basu row shows how policing femininity shapes women’s lives and mental health

Mrunal Thakur vs Bipasha Basu

This tension between how femininity is defined and how it is policed came into focus recently when Mrunal Thakur faced backlash over resurfaced comments about fellow actor Bipasha Basu. In a viral clip from her early days, the Son of Sardaar 2 actor disapproved of muscular women—a trait society often codes as masculine.

When co-star Arjit Taneja was asked if he would marry a muscular woman, Thakur cut in: “Do you want to marry a girl who is manly with muscles? Go marry Bipasha.” She also said, “Listen, I am far better than Bipasha.”

As netizens called out her body-shaming, Thakur issued an apology on Instagram, admitting her 19-year-old self had not fully understood the weight of her words. Basu, meanwhile, responded gracefully, reframing muscles as markers of strength, health, fitness, and longevity.

The controversy spotlighted a long-running argument: who decides what femininity looks like? Should it remain tied to softness, delicacy, and submission, or can strength and muscularity be reclaimed as feminine, too? If gender is fluid and femininity a social construct, then the endless demands of performative femininity—always looking “womanly” in a narrow sense—are less about biology than about patriarchy in disguise.

A sociologist’s take

Sangamithra Saravanan, a sociologist at Christ University, told indianexpress.com that the row illustrates femininity as a contested performance.

“When Mrunal dismissed muscularity as ‘manly,’ she was invoking a script many of us grew up with—one that told women to be soft, delicate, never too strong. Bipasha’s response flipped that script, insisting that strength and muscles belong within women’s health,” she said.

According to Saravanan, this clash is more between socially sanctioned and resisted versions of femininity than about who the “real” woman is. Quoting Judith Butler from their book Gender Trouble (1990), Saravanan said that gender is not a fixed essence but something we learn to perform through what society rewards as “feminine.”

She added: “Women themselves can reproduce as well as resist these narrow norms. That’s how internalised they are—the line between performer and enforcer becomes almost negligible.”

Mrunal Thakur’s apology to Bipasha (Source: Instagram/@mrunalthakur)

Beyond celebrity disputes

Outside Bollywood, women encounter the same tug-of-war over femininity in everyday life.

Anna Mariam Ittyerah, a Bangalore-based PR executive, recalls constant corrections from childhood: from “comb your hair, it looks wild” (she has curly hair) to “sit properly like a girl.” Even today, she says, the scrutiny continues.

“Whether at home or work, I am judged for sounding ‘too masculine’ or for visible body hair. It is exhausting. It triggers childhood memories of always being called ‘one of the guys’,” she said.

The mental health toll

Counselling psychologist Dr Rimpa Sarkar agreed, and warned that this endless self-surveillance and the constant performance of femininity – always looking a certain way, dressing to please, staying submissive or non-opinionated – can devastate mental health.

“The constant self-monitoring often leads to self-criticism, anxiety, depression, body image issues, and even eating disorders. Many women begin to feel their worth lies only in their appearance rather than their skills or achievements,” she said.

In the long run, Dr Sarkar said, this erodes self-esteem and fuels a harsh inner dialogue, making it harder to build compassion towards oneself. It can also strain relationships—especially between women—by breeding insecurity, comparison, and competition.

Priyadarshini sees it as a cycle of social conditioning. “We aren’t born picking women apart. We learn it. As children, we idolise our elders. When we hear them mock another woman for being ‘too manly’ or ‘too muscular,’ we internalise it. We pass it on,” she said.

That’s why celebrity controversies like Thakur’s become revealing. “Body positivity cannot be selective. You can’t cheer ‘curvy’ women but belittle women with broad shoulders. The contradiction is obvious,” Priyadarshini said.

But unlearning takes time. Even well-intentioned people slip up because decades of conditioning don’t just disappear. Dr Sarkar strongly encourages embracing authenticity, as it allows for healthier self-worth and stronger, more supportive connections.