‘More committed than marriage’: Delnaaz Irani on 10-year younger partner Percy Karkaria

Her reflection opens a larger and more useful conversation about what commitment in a relationship actually means. “Society often judges the seriousness of a relationship through visible milestones such as engagement, marriage, anniversaries and legal status. These markers can carry deep emotional, cultural, spiritual and practical value, but they do not automatically create trust, loyalty or emotional security. A ceremony can formalise a relationship. It cannot do the daily work required to sustain one,” reflected Delnna Rrajesh, psychotherapist and relationship breakthrough coach.

Here’s what you should consider (Photo: Freepik)

Commitment is often misunderstood as simply staying, said Delnna, addin that yet remaining in the same house or retaining the same legal status does not necessarily mean two people are emotionally invested in one another. “Genuine commitment is visible in how partners behave when the excitement settles, life becomes difficult, and no one outside the relationship is watching. It appears in reliability, fidelity, emotional availability, accountability, shared decision-making and the willingness to repair after hurt,” she told indianexpress.com.

This is why healthy relationship advice cannot be reduced to a debate between marriage and live-in relationships. “Marriage offers important legal protections, social recognition and, for many people, sacred or cultural significance. A live-in relationship may feel more authentic to others, especially after divorce, loss or painful previous experiences. Neither structure alone guarantees a healthy partnership. The more meaningful questions concern the values, expectations and responsibilities within it,” said Delnna.

Delnna described that psychology distinguishes between commitment created by external pressure and commitment rooted in internal choice. “External commitment may come from social expectations, fear of judgement, financial dependence, children, family pressure or legal consequences. Internal commitment comes from values. It says, I remain honest, loyal and responsible because this is the kind of partner I choose to be. Relationships become more resilient when both people are guided by internal integrity rather than merely by the fear of what may happen if they leave,” shared Delnna.

Age differences can also attract public judgement, particularly when the woman is older. “Yet relationship compatibility cannot be assessed through age alone. The more useful measures are emotional maturity, shared values, mutual respect, power balance, financial transparency, life-stage compatibility and the freedom of both partners to make independent choices. A relationship becomes unhealthy not because an age gap exists, but when that difference is used to control, diminish or create dependency,” said Delnna.

For couples choosing marriage, cohabitation or a committed live-in partnership, a few conversations can provide greater emotional and practical security:

*Define what commitment, fidelity and betrayal mean to each person rather than assuming the definitions are obvious.

*Discuss money, property, caregiving, health decisions and future responsibilities clearly, particularly where legal protections may differ.

*Revisit the relationship agreement as circumstances evolve. Commitment is not one conversation completed at the beginning.

*Notice whether both people retain a voice, personal dignity and room for individual growth within the shared relationship.

*Address unresolved fears from previous relationships instead of asking the current partner to prove they are different continually.

 

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*Seek professional relationship counselling when recurring patterns of mistrust, avoidance, resentment or emotional withdrawal begin replacing honest communication.

The real measure is not whether society recognises the label. It is whether both people recognise and honour the responsibility they have accepted towards one another. “A title may describe the relationship to the world, but integrity determines the relationship experienced within it,” said Delnna.

DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.