Mahhi Vij says she is ‘very open’ discussing sex, pleasure with partner: ‘But aaj madam ka mood hai’; psychotherapist on how couples can have such conversations

Taking a cue from Vij’s candid confession, let’s understand why discussing sex and pleasure openly with your partner matters.

In many Indian homes, sex is still the most intimate act, but the least spoken about. For women, especially, expressing desire remains wrapped in guilt, hesitation, or the fear of being judged, said Delnna Rrajesh, psychotherapist, energy healer, and life coach.

Adding that silent suppression is often present, Delnna said, ‘Strong women, nurturing, accomplished, still struggle to say to their partner, ‘I feel desire.’ I want closeness. I need affection tonight.’ Not because they don’t feel it, but because they were never taught that it’s okay to own that need. For centuries, our culture has associated sexual expression with shame for women. The ideal Indian woman was trained to be silent, receptive, and passive. Desire was meant to be felt by the man, fulfilled by the woman – but never initiated or verbalised by her.”

But the truth is: Sex is not a male need. It’s a human one. “Real intimacy thrives not in silence but in safety-emotional safety to speak, to express, to ask, and to say no,” continued Delnna.

Intimacy is a human need (Photo: Freepik)

Here’s what helps in shifting this for couples:

*Create a space of trust where emotions and needs (not just sexual) can be expressed without judgment or mockery.

*Start with emotional intimacy. Often, the safety of talking about sex comes when there’s a strong emotional foundation.

*Use gentle, honest language. It could be as simple as: “I want to feel close to you tonight,” or “I miss the intimacy we shared.”

*Heal inner shame through therapy, inner child work, or energy healing, because most suppression begins long before adulthood.

*Stop seeing it as taboo. “The more we normalise desire, the healthier and more respectful our relationships become,” said Delnna.

*Intimacy is not about performance. “It’s about presence, and communication is not about being bold. It’s about being real. Every woman deserves a relationship where her needs are not just acknowledged, but honoured,” said Delnna.