Elliot Page came out as transgender in December 2020, and announced to the world that his pronouns are ‘he/they’. It was a milestone in his life, given that he had to shed his former identity and begin anew. While this news was received with love and acceptance, there was some hatred, too.
But, Elliot had written in his coming out note that he loves that he is “trans and queer”. “And the more I hold myself close and fully embrace who I am, the more I dream, the more my heart grows and the more I thrive.”
For Esquire‘s summer 2022 cover story titled ‘The Euphoria of Elliot Page‘, the actor talked about his transition, his life, and career.
“I can’t overstate the biggest joy, which is really seeing yourself. I know I look different to others, but to me I’m just starting to look like myself. It’s indescribable, because I’m just like, there I am. And thank God. Here I am. So the greatest joy is just being able to feel present, literally, just to be present,” The Umbrella Academy actor told the publication.
He also talked about childhood bullying, stating that he went to a different school every year during high school. “I never really had that single teacher mentor… Bullying puts you in a place where, later, you have so much unlearning to do. If you’re getting teased and made fun of and called names on a daily basis, there’s no way that’s not going to get inside of you — particularly when you’re already feeling so much shame.”
Elliot added that he was a “pretty serious soccer player as a kid”, and that he “loved discipline” and “loved learning about teamwork”. “As a kid, it was complicated in relation to my gender. I remember the year the genders were separated. I was so distraught… I was crying to my mum, ‘Please, one more year, one more year!’ When I was playing with the boys — soccer, touch football, out back during recess and lunch — I was having a blast. They let me play one more year, then I had to go to the girls’ team. I looked like the other boys, which I was,” he was quoted as saying.
The actor talked about his transition, admitting that he did not “expect it to be so big”. “In terms of the actual quality of the response, it was what I expected: love and support from many people and hatred and cruelty and vitriol from so many others. I came out as gay in 2014, and it’s different. Transphobia is just so, so, so extreme. The hatred and the cruelty is so much more incessant.”
Elliot talked about his workout routine, too, sharing that he has “never worked out more in [his] life”. “Working out always felt like such a conundrum, because it didn’t feel good.” He added that he would walk and hike, but that was the extent of it. But things have changed after transition.
“The experience of being in my body now is so different. I’m absolutely hooked. The feeling of being really engaged with it, present, pushing it and getting stronger and gaining weight. It’s thrilling. I feel like a kid doing it.”
When he was shooting Inception, Elliot said he could “not leave whatever hotel [he’d] be staying in”. “I struggled with food. Intense depression, anxiety, severe panic attacks. I couldn’t function. There were days when I’d only have one meeting, and I’d leave my house to go to the meeting and have to turn around.”
He added that he could not “picture [himself] as a woman aging”. “It was just like, what is my future? There’s not a future. That’s kind of what it felt like. I would say, verbatim: I’ve never been a girl. I’ll never be a woman.”
The Juno actor talked about the prospect of having kids, sharing with the publication: “I feel like I’ve also had to take care of myself so much. I’m obsessed with my dog. That’s my kid. I’m good with that. I mean, if I met someone who had a kid, I’m not completely closed off to the idea that maybe when I’m older, I could adopt a kid who’s older, you know. But no.”