Journalism of Courage
This is an archive article published on January 24, 2022
Are you a people pleaser? Here’s how to break away from this habit
"Why live life out of fear, when you can live out of intent?"
Read on to know more. (Representative photo/Pexels)
Society plays a major role in most of the decisions we take. When we are dealing with a situation, major or minor, we are haunted by the question, “What will people think?” What happens when we let ourselves continue this habit without checking it? It will lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and unpleasantness, and nobody wants that.
Salma Hindy, an award-winning Toronto-based engineer-turned-stand-up comedian, in a motivational TEDx Talk, shared her experience with people-pleasing and the realisation that dawned upon her later. Take a look at the TEDx talk here:
She gave an example about how we tend to please people and said most of us at some point in our lives have agreed to do things we were not thrilled or ready to do. “People pleasing is a way to avoid disapproval or discomfort of others,” she explained.
She said codependency and people-pleasing are interrelated. “Codependency is when there is excessive emotional and psychological reliance on loved ones.” Although it is unconscious, it can become an excuse to not live or take responsibility for your life. She said most of us have been conditioned from a very young age.
She recalled when she started stand-up comedy against her parents wishes. “I was not receiving any emotional or spiritual validation from my parents, so I started seeking it out of others.”
Hindy added that seeking validation is an act of evasion from the responsibilities which come along with a decision. She explained that to check whether one is a people pleaser, there are two things to look out for.
“One, do you take others into account while making a big life decision? Or two, do you use your personal relationships as roadblocks, as excuses, to stop yourself from pursuing your dreams? If yes, then you are a people pleaser.”
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Hindy concluded by saying that people-pleasing does not make either party happy down the line. “Take back the autonomy of making your decisions, otherwise you end up resenting the people you want to please. Why live life out of fear, when you can live out of intent?”
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