‘Sometimes things have to fall apart in order to come back together’: Patti Ashley

“You aren't born asking for a Starbucks; instead you cry out for the feeling of being comforted, loved, seen, nurtured,” says Patti in her Ted Talk

Patti Ashley/Instagram

Everybody in their lives has faced trauma; it does not matter how deep-rooted or how instantaneous and surface-level your sentiments feel, they’re all in there somewhere waiting for you to acknowledge them and tend to them with patience.

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Psychotherapist, author, and speaker Dr Patti Ashley, while discussing her research and its findings says, “Good enough just became another unobtainable standard,” insinuating a feeling of not ‘enoughness’ and discomfort amid the entirety of mankind.

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Deliberating about some of the ways in which chronic not-enoughness comes disguised and the standards inducing discontent, Dr Patti says it is “as if we’ve created a culture that thrives on not being good enough. Media images portray unrealistic expectations, success is measured by graduating from the best colleges, hefty bank accounts, children are encouraged to compete regardless of how much anxiety ensues, employers demand perfection over well-being.”

She believes it “doesn’t help to criticise anyone about what happened to you”. “Instead, acknowledge your ability to change your neural connections now and make a commitment to be better to yourself.”

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“When we don’t recognise our shadow we tend to act in ways we don’t consciously understand.”

“Demystifying chronic not-enoughness also requires the willingness and tenacity to stay on the ride even if you don’t know where it’s going or how long it’s going to take,” she says.

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