Lara Dutta reflects on her decision to get married, never wanting to depend on any man: ‘Not when I was a spring chicken’

Sharing how her husband is somebody “who has never imposed on me,” Lara said:  “The fact that, maybe, I should consider my career secondary to his…or I should prioritise my daughter before I prioritise anything else. It has never come from Mahesh. So, all the decisions for me in my life, especially after getting married.”

Arouba Kabir, an emotional and mental health professional and founder of Enso Wellness, shared that her words quietly challenged a deeply ingrained social belief that marriage must follow a fixed timeline, especially for women. “From a trauma-informed psychological lens, this belief deserves closer examination. Many people don’t marry early because they are unsure about love; they delay because they are learning who they are. Emotional readiness is not age-dependent as we have been told; it is shaped by self-awareness, life experiences, and one’s ability to hold responsibility without losing oneself,” said Arouba.

Choose relationships when you feel ready (Photo: Freepik)

In therapy rooms, Arouba said, she often sees the long-term impact of urgency-driven marriages. “Decisions made under pressure, fear of loneliness, family expectations, or societal deadlines often come at the cost of emotional clarity. When individuals enter partnerships before understanding their own boundaries, wounds, or needs, marriage becomes a site of survival rather than shared growth.”

She chose marriage after building a full life career, independence, and identity, not because time was running out, but because the moment felt aligned. This distinction is crucial, stressed Arouba.

In the Indian context, the noise around marriage is particularly loud. “Presence, the ability to be emotionally available, regulated, and responsive, is rarely discussed, yet it is far more predictive of marital well-being than age. Choosing marriage when life feels full rather than frantic is not avoidance; it is discernment, and then maybe we see a reduction in separations or divorces as well. It reflects the capacity to choose partnership as an addition, not a solution to emptiness,” said Arouba.

Perhaps it’s time we shift the conversation. “From pressure to presence. From timelines to truth. Because the healthiest commitments are not rushed into, they are consciously chosen,” shared Arouba.