‘Ulte haath ka thappad apne bachche ne maar diya’: When Kajol’s son Yug called her out for scolding Nysa; why kids sometimes make the best teachers

After Nysa reluctantly complied, Kajol’s younger child stepped in with surprising maturity. “So, after she came, sat and left, my son turned around, sat in my lap quietly and told me, ‘You know, mom, you shouldn’t fire her for telling the truth.’” Reflecting on the moment, Kajol admitted, “I felt like, oh my God, that was such a… ulte haath ka thappad apne bachche ne maar diya mujhe (My child gave me a backhanded slap). It was amazing advice.”

Parenting is often seen as a one-way street — parents teaching, guiding, and correcting their children. But sometimes, the children hold up a mirror to the adults, offering quiet wisdom when it’s least expected. 

How can parents learn to recognise the difference between defiance and honest self-expression in children?

Psychologist Rasshi Gurnani explains that one of the most valuable lessons for parents is learning to differentiate between defiance and genuine self-expression in children—especially during emotionally charged moments. “Children are often mislabelled as being difficult or disrespectful when they’re trying to communicate their needs or discomforts,” she shares. 

For instance, a child choosing not to sit with everyone during religious or family gatherings could respond to overstimulation, exhaustion, or simply needing personal space. Instead of assuming disobedience, parents should pause and ask themselves what their child might be feeling. Creating a habit of asking, not accusing, builds a healthier emotional connection and helps decode the real reason behind a behavior.

Steps parents can take to repair trust and validate a child’s honesty after reacting harshly

Gurnani emphasises that parental regret can be an opportunity for growth rather than shame. “When a parent reacts harshly, it’s crucial to circle back and repair,” she says. “This means acknowledging your mistake, apologizing sincerely, and affirming the child’s right to express themselves.” 

Validating a child’s honesty, even if it’s uncomfortable, sends a powerful message: that their voice matters. Rebuilding trust doesn’t require grand gestures—it often begins with a simple conversation in which the parent listens without defensiveness and shows emotional vulnerability. This not only heals the moment but strengthens the long-term bond.

Why is it important to create a home environment where children feel safe to express their true feelings?

Creating a home environment where children feel emotionally safe is essential for their mental well-being. Gurnani believes that discipline and emotional openness can and should coexist. “Boundaries are important, but they shouldn’t come at the cost of a child’s emotional freedom,” she says. Encouraging kids to share their thoughts without fear of judgement fosters resilience, honesty, and empathy. 

When children feel heard, they’re more likely to cooperate and less likely to rebel. Emotional safety doesn’t mean there are no rules—it means those rules are enforced with respect, understanding, and flexibility.