‘We both struggled for three years’: Kajol on the ‘irrational’ phase of parenting Gen Z daughter Nysa Devgan and the one change that saved their bond

Her experience points to how adolescence can shift parent-child relationships in unexpected ways, often bringing conflict, miscommunication, and emotional intensity to the surface. Kajol also acknowledged that this phase wasn’t short-lived but lasted for a significant period. “We both struggled for nearly three years. Both of us were like, I don’t want to listen to you, I don’t want to talk to you. But eventually it became conversations, long conversations.”

Over time, however, her approach evolved—and so did the relationship. She shared what ultimately made a difference: “Then I realised that it was more about just me sitting down and listening to her. It was not about talking so much. It was just about giving her space to talk herself and to be heard. That made the biggest difference. That was my biggest learning.”

Why do parent-teen relationships often become more conflict-driven during adolescence?

Counselling psychologist Athul Raj tells indianexpress.com, “When Kajol speaks about having to constantly talk things through with Nysa Devgan, it reflects a shift most parents feel but struggle to articulate. The relationship changes, quietly but firmly. What earlier felt predictable suddenly isn’t.”

“Part of this is developmental,” he adds, stating that the systems that help a teenager pause, weigh consequences, and regulate reactions are still maturing. At the same time, their emotional and social world expands rapidly. They are not just responding to family anymore, but to peers, expectations, and a constant stream of outside influence.

But the deeper shift is psychological. Raj notes that adolescence is about separating enough from parents to become a self. That separation is rarely smooth. It shows up as disagreement, resistance, or even withdrawal. Parents often experience this as disrespect. “I would see it as a young person trying, not always gracefully, to find their own ground.”

Practical strategies to help parents move from frequent arguments to more constructive, open conversations

“The first shift is internal,” says Raj. Drop the need to settle everything in the moment. Not every disagreement needs to be resolved instantly. In fact, most difficult conversations land better when both sides have had time to cool off.

Be selective about what you turn into a conflict. When everything becomes an issue, nothing really gets through. Teenagers take boundaries more seriously when they are not overwhelmed by constant correction. “Also, pay attention to where conversations happen. In many families, the most honest exchanges do not happen in formal sit-downs, but in passing moments, in the car, over a late meal, between routines. Those spaces feel less loaded, and teenagers are more likely to open up,” mentions Raj.

And finally, listen in a way that is visible. He concludes, “Not just hearing, but showing that you have understood. Once a teenager feels that, the tone of the conversation shifts on its own.”