‘Chhote bachhe batameezi karte hain, toh kabhi kabhi dhar dena chahiye’: Jaya Bachchan on disciplining kids

To understand what healthy discipline really looks like today, we spoke with Dr Meghana Phadke Sultania, Senior Consultant & Head of Unit III – Pediatrics and Adolescent Health at Asian Hospital, Faridabad.

How does one draw a line between healthy discipline and creating fear in young children?

Dr Sultania explained that reprimanding children is essential, but only when done in a way that guides behaviour rather than instilling fear. She adds, “Healthy discipline offers boundaries, predictability, and emotional security, helping children understand consequences without damaging trust.”

However, she notes that the line is crossed when correction turns into shouting, humiliation, unpredictability, or reactions that make the child feel unsafe. “Even when children are reprimanded, they should feel secure and understand that the behaviour is wrong, not that they are wrong,” she says.

“A calm, steady, and structured approach ensures discipline builds confidence rather than anxiety, while also protecting self-esteem,” Dr Sultania elaborates.

 

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When small children misbehave in public, what is the right way for parents to respond without being overly strict?

To address this, Dr Sultania says the key is for parents to remain composed and acknowledge the child’s emotions. Public misbehaviour often stems from overstimulation, tiredness, or frustration, and harsh reactions—especially in front of others—can increase distress and humiliation, she adds.

Instead, she recommends gently removing the child from the situation, offering comfort, and waiting until the child is calmer before explaining what went wrong. “Soft firmness helps them settle, while the parents’ self-control models emotional regulation. This approach prevents the child from feeling embarrassed or intimidated in a public space and helps restore balance without resorting to excessive strictness,” she adds.

How does strict parenting impact a child’s emotional development in the long run?

In the long term, Dr Sultania cautions that overly strict or authoritarian parenting can have significant emotional effects. Children raised under constant harshness may become fearful of expressing themselves, overly dependent on external validation, or develop a fragile self-image, she explains.

While structure and consistency are beneficial, she elaborates that rigidity can suppress emotional expression and create pressure to be perfect. “Boundaries work best when paired with warmth,” she emphasises. This combination strengthens communication, resilience, and self-regulation, ultimately helping children grow into secure and confident adults,” concludes Dr Sultania.