‘Two things happen when you have a father who drinks’: Dhurandhar singer Jasmine Sandlas on ‘heartbreak’ from parents and her battle with unresolved pain; an expert weighs in

She added, “I used to get a whooping for everything. Everything. I used to be very mischievous. The search for adventure. I used to run around the streets. I used to mess up in class and in school. I was a good kid, a good student. But I had no interest in studies. I used to think, where is the fun? Where is my enjoyment?”

Reflecting on when she had her first drink, Sandlas shared, “I think. I didn’t use to drink. 21 is the age in America. I didn’t drink until then. Maybe 22, 23. I refrained from it. Because there was drinking going on in my house. My father used to drink. There’s two things that happen when you have a father who drinks. Either you’re an alcoholic. Or you’re like, I cannot drink. It’s the worst thing ever. I did both. Alcohol is bad. It’s not good. It ruins things. My friends were all drinking at age 17, 18.”

She continued, “When life really hits you, you look for some kind of support. I do regret some things that I chose to do in those 2-3 years… A lot of things piled up – I was famous on one side, I was feeling certain things, my family dynamics broke apart, my father was no more, and I was successful. I drank more than I should have, and I regret it, but it was important for me at that time.”

She also spoke about the emotional impact of her early experiences at home, saying, “I had some heartbreaks in childhood from my parents. They broke my heart unknowingly many times, so there is resentment. I love them, but when a child’s heart breaks, it remains broken. When you don’t have a safe space to run to, you look for a home in everything like crazy. I did that all my life, just yearning and finding home.”

But

But how do unresolved childhood experiences shape coping behaviours like substance use in adulthood?

Neha Cadabam, senior psychologist and executive director, Cadabam’s Hospitals, tells indianexpress.com, “Unresolved childhood experiences often shape how an individual regulates stress and emotions later in life. When emotional safety or stable attachment is missing during formative years, the brain tends to remain in a heightened state of vigilance or emotional dysregulation.”

In adulthood, she notes that substances can become a way to self-soothe, numb distress, or temporarily recreate a sense of control or comfort. From a clinical standpoint, this is not random behaviour but an adaptive response that has carried forward, even if it becomes maladaptive over time.

Practical steps to build internal emotional security and healthier support systems

The search for a sense of home externally often points to an internal gap in emotional security or self-acceptance. Cadabam says, “Clinically, the focus shifts to strengthening internal anchors. This includes developing self-awareness through reflective practices, establishing consistent routines that create predictability, and engaging in therapy to process unresolved emotional experiences.”

Building healthier support systems also means cultivating relationships that are stable, nontransactional, and emotionally safe, rather than those driven by dependency or validation seeking. “Over time, this helps individuals shift from seeking security outside to experiencing it within,” concludes Cadabam.