‘Mai khud ki izzat karti hu’: Jahnvi Kapoor on self-worth and external validation

(“So, I don’t know whether I’m getting that respect from outside or not. I’m just trying to do my work—with sincerity and dedication, and with hard work. And I respect myself. I know that when I go on set, I know my work, and seeing that, other people respect me.”)

The realisation came after she started prioritising herself, precisely what she pointed out in her interview. “Fame, I guess, came easily to me by virtue of whose daughter I was. So, I never felt that I wanted eyeballs. “Woh toh humesha se milta hai, whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing…And I kept waiting, ki koi mujhe bolde, mai aapki izzat karti hu, ya I look up to your work, ya acha kaam kar rahe ho. Till you don’t recognise your own skill set, till you don’t recognise what you have to offer, what you bring to the table, koi aapka maa, beta, chacha nahi hai, jo aapke liye karega. You need to give yourself… woh darje pe aapko khud aapko rakhna hai… (“That has always come my way—whether it’s good or bad. And I kept waiting for someone to tell me, ‘I respect you,’ or ‘I look up to your work,’ or ‘You’re doing a good job.’ But until you recognise your own skill set, until you recognise what you have to offer, what you bring to the table, no one is your mother, son, or uncle who will do it for you. You have to give it to yourself… you have to place yourself at that level on your own.”)

Her reflections highlight a deeper psychological pattern—one that affects countless individuals, especially women. To gain a deeper understanding, we consulted Dr Ashish Pandey, a Counselling Psychologist at Mano Srijan Wellness Centre – Psychologist & Counselling Services in Kanpur, who explained the roots and consequences of external validation.

Why do many women seek external validation?

According to Dr Pandey, “Many women seek external validation due to a combination of social conditioning, emotional learning, and relationship dynamics. This tendency is not a flaw in their personality, but rather a pattern that has developed over the years. From a young age, girls are often encouraged to be polite, pleasing, and adjusting, and they are frequently appreciated for being helpful, cooperative, or emotionally available.”

Over time, Dr Pandey added, the patterns lead to the development of an approval-based identity, where worth becomes linked to how others respond. “Cultural influences—such as movies, romantic narratives, and family expectations—further reinforce the idea that a partner should ‘complete’ them or make them feel beautiful. As a result, many women begin to seek emotional confirmation from outside sources rather than cultivating it internally.”

Lack of emotional worth in people prompts them to overlook their skills.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Barkha Dutt (@barkha.dutt) 

Here’s why they struggle:

Dr Pandey explained, “Our belief system, shaped from childhood through to adulthood, plays a significant role in how we perceive our abilities. Many people find it difficult to recognise their own skills because deeply ingrained beliefs and thought patterns distort their self-perception. Imposter Syndrome is a common reason—individuals may feel that their success is due to luck rather than their own ability. Low self-esteem also contributes, as they may not believe they are “good enough” even when there is clear evidence of their competence.”

He added that negative core beliefs formed through childhood criticism or comparisons can further reinforce the idea of “I’m not capable,” making it harder to appreciate personal strengths. “High self-expectations and perfectionism add to this struggle by making every achievement feel inadequate. Additionally, people who depend on external validation often rely on others’ approval to feel worthy, which prevents genuine internal confidence from developing. Altogether, old beliefs, self-doubt, and perfectionistic tendencies overshadow the reality of their achievements, making it difficult for them to see their true capabilities.”

Why is self-validation, like in Jahnvi’s case, important in high-pressure professions, and how can one build it?

Dr Pandey explained that self-validation is crucial in high-pressure careers, such as film, medicine, corporate leadership, and sports. In these fields, external praise is inconsistent, expectations are relentless, and criticism can be frequent. “Without the ability to affirm oneself internally, individuals often experience burnout, chronic self-doubt, and a dependence on others’ approval to feel competent or worthy. Inner grounding becomes essential because external feedback fluctuates constantly, and relying on it for confidence can lead to emotional instability.”

To build a strong internal sense of worth, Dr Pandey added, several practices can be helpful. “Daily self-check-ins—pausing to acknowledge small wins—reinforce personal progress. Strength journaling, where one notes the skills effectively used each day, helps rewire self-perception. Internal affirmations shift the mindset from ‘Am I good enough?’ to ‘I handled this well’.”