As Gautami Kapoor recalls having ‘sleepless nights’ following trolling over a comment about daughter, expert explains how it can affect families

Admitting that husband and actor Ram Kapoor and she have an “open” relationship with their children, Gautami continued, “Both Ram and I have a very open relationship with our children. Some may agree, some may look down upon it. That’s their opinion. I am no person to judge them. They are entitled to their opinion, like I am entitled to mine. It’s as simple as that. Why are you getting my children into this controversy?”

She said, “I went into a kind of depressed state of mind when I was seeing my Instagram feed. You won’t believe the kind of comments that I was being subjected to. I had sleepless nights. I couldn’t imagine that people write such stuff to another woman…to another human being. It is beyond me. I couldn’t open my Instagram. I just vanished from Instagram for almost for a month and a half. A lot of publications reached out to me to ask if you would like to counter this, and I was like…should I? I spoke to Ram about this. I spoke to my daughter about this. My daughter studies in the US. She was like…’ What’s the big deal? Mom…will you please chill? It is not such a big deal. It is Instagram. It is social media. People will talk about it for a day or two. Just leave it.’ So, I was okay. Ram said…why are you even scared? Just talk about it to any publication that is reaching out to you. I was toying with the idea.”

Gautami Kapoor on facing massive trolling (Photo: Freepik)

Eventually, she decided to stay quiet even though she “had a lot to say.” “Then I took a stand of not saying anything. I just kept silent, which is so sad because I had a lot of things to say, but I didn’t want to hear the negativity, the comments people were putting out there for other people. I wanted to get out of that toxicity, and hence I kept quiet.”

Taking a cue from her experience, let’s understand trolls and how their mentality affects people and families.

When a parent speaks about openness with their child, sexuality, boundaries, or modern parenting values, the backlash rarely comes from reason. According to Delnna Rrajesh, psychotherapist and life coach, it comes from fear. “From conditioning. From unresolved discomfort around autonomy, predominantly female independence. The outrage is not really about the act. It is about what the act symbolises.

In Indian society, parenting is still treated as community property. Children are seen as extensions of family honour rather than as individuals with evolving identities. When a parent publicly breaks that unspoken contract by admitting openness, trust, or progressive dialogue at home, it destabilises the moral order many people rely on to feel safe,” described Delnna.

That destabilisation often turns into aggression.

What follows is rarely debated. “It is dehumanisation. Trolling does not argue. It invades. It attacks the body, the character, the morality, and, eventually, the mental health of the person on the receiving end. Sleepless nights, withdrawal, anxiety, depressive spirals, and a deep sense of betrayal are common psychological responses to sustained online abuse,” expressed Delnna.

When hundreds or thousands of strangers question your integrity, your parenting, or your worth as a woman, the nervous system goes into survival mode. This is where hypervigilance sets in. “Sleep disturbances follow. Rumination intensifies. Self-doubt creeps in even when logic says otherwise. Many people underestimate this because the abuse is only online. But the brain does not differentiate between physical and digital threats. “Shame registers as pain. Humiliation registers as danger. What makes this especially cruel is when children are dragged into the discourse,” elaborated Delnna.

Silence, in such moments, is often mistaken for a sign of weakness. In reality, the psychotherapist noted that it is a “self-preservation strategy.” “Choosing not to respond is sometimes the only way to protect one’s mental health from further erosion. It is not cowardice. It is containment,” asserted Delnna.

There is also a crucial generational contrast here that deserves attention. Many children and young adults today have a healthier relationship with digital noise. “They understand the fleeting nature of outrage. They know how quickly attention moves on. For them, online judgment does not automatically translate into self-worth. Parents, however, especially those who did not grow up in the age of constant visibility, often internalise online hate more deeply. They are still wired to equate public opinion with social survival. This gap can feel confusing and even isolating,” shared Delnna.

So how do parents protect themselves in this climate?

*Recognising that not every parenting choice needs public validation.
*By understanding that outrage says more about the unresolved wounds of the outraged than about the parent being targeted.
*By actively building emotional boundaries around social media. “Not reading comments is not denial. It is a regulation,” said Delnna.
*By having open conversations with children about digital noise, helping them understand that public opinion is not a moral compass.
*By remembering that parenting is not a performance. It is a relationship.