‘Ludicrous idea of romance…’: After Zeenat Aman revisits old problematic scenes from her movies, an expert on unlearning toxic relationship scripts

Recently, she shared a clip from Teesri Aankh, starring Dharmendra, where the roles are reversed. Her character, Barkha, aggressively pursues Dharmendra’s Ashok, crossing boundaries repeatedly. “I suppose the reason this scene is delightful and that one was infuriating is because of the traditional role reversal. The truth is, I can’t endorse Barkha’s approach, just as I couldn’t endorse Inspector Vijay’s! Banter and mischief are excellent tools of courtship, but I think our industry sometimes takes these to the extreme. Too many of our films glorify obsession and limerence, instead of giving us a portrayal of real, healthy love. Now I recognise that I have played a part in propagating the ludicrous idea of romance that Bollywood has exported to Indians everywhere,” she stated. 

How repeated portrayals of moral policing and obsessive behaviour influence what people consider normal

Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, tells indianexpress.com, “When films and shows repeatedly portray obsessive pursuit, moral policing, or boundary violations as passionate love, they subtly shape what people begin to view as acceptable or even desirable in relationships. Psychologically, repeated exposure works through normalisation and social learning, viewers absorb cues about what is rewarded, justified, or romanticised.” 

She continues, “Box-office successes like Kabir Singh or Animal may be intended as entertainment, but when the protagonist’s harmful behaviour is framed without accountability, it risks becoming a template for ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ in real life.” Over time, this conditioning blurs the line between intensity and intimacy, control and care. 

 

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Unlearning internalised ideas of romance shaped by films or cultural narratives

Unlearning internalised ideas of romance requires conscious awareness of where these beliefs come from. Khangarot states, “Popular films and cultural narratives often frame persistence, jealousy, or control as expressions of love, and repeated exposure can quietly shape expectations within relationships. Psychologically, the process begins with reflection: asking whether behaviours portrayed as romantic would feel safe, respectful, and consensual in real life. This helps individuals separate intensity from intimacy and attention from care.”

Learning to recognise and assert boundaries is central to this shift, she says, as it reinforces the idea that consent is ongoing and mutual. 

Steps to recognise, set and maintain boundaries

When people grow up consuming media that normalises unhealthy relationship dynamics, recognising boundaries often requires intentional unlearning. Khangarot reveals, “The first practical step is learning to identify discomfort: paying attention to feelings of unease, pressure, or obligation, which are often early signals of a boundary being crossed.”

She adds that setting boundaries involves clearly naming personal limits and communicating them calmly, without over-explaining or guilt. “Practising small, everyday boundaries builds confidence before addressing larger relational issues. Maintaining boundaries requires consistency; repeated justification or ‘giving in’ can reinforce unhealthy patterns. Social support and therapeutic spaces play a key role in this process, offering validation when boundaries are challenged or dismissed.”