How Yami Gautam battles ‘mom guilt’ and 5 AM flights to be present with son: ‘Cruel and harsh with a baby that age’

To make time for her child, Yami requested the director to allow her to fly home on her one weekly day off. “After pack up on the last day, I would fly home on the first early morning operational flight I would get at 5 o’clock, I would land straight on set,” she added.

Reflecting on the actor’s statements, Dr Pavitra Shankar, Associate Consultant – Psychiatry at Aakash Healthcare, shared that while mom guilt is not uncommon, its emotional ripple effects are both for mothers and children. Young children do not logically process absence, but they experience it emotionally. “Children at a tender age do not measure time in hours spent together, but in emotional availability. When a parent is frequently absent due to work, a child may internalise this not as a lack of love, but as emotional distance,” she said.

According to her, this internalisation can show up subtly in the form of increased clinginess, separation anxiety, sleep disturbances, irritability, behavioural regression, or heightened emotional reactions. Some children may become unusually quiet or overly compliant, while others may act out to seek attention, she added.

What really matters is the quality of connection, not the quality of time. “Predictable routines, reassurance, and emotionally attuned interactions help children feel safe even when parents are not always present,” she said.

Yami Gautam and her son. (Source: Instagram/@yamigautam)

What helps build a secure attachment?

“Secure attachment doesn’t require constant physical presence, but emotional reliability. When guilt overshadows interactions, children may become hyper-vigilant to a parent’s mood, try to ‘manage’ the parent’s emotions, or withdraw altogether,” said Dr Shankar.

Clinical psychologist Kamna Chhibber suggested a few measures to help new mothers cope with this guilt:

• Set out a routine with your child and stick to it as much as possible.
• Some flexibility is imperative. Prepare for contingencies and remind yourself that even if you aren’t available on one day, you’ll be there on the next one.
• Children, too, can understand. So sharing with them beforehand that you might be busy or unavailable for an activity you usually do with them prepares them and is helpful to you too.

• Challenge the negative beliefs that are setting in by focusing on the good and balancing your thoughts with the positives of all you accomplish.
• Build support systems to help with tasks that you would like to step away from.
• Set boundaries and be assertive in refusing tasks that you are not comfortable with and that impinge on your time with your children.
• Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself the space to falter. You are probably doing a lot during the course of the day, so don’t take away from that.

DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.