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Friday, April 10, 2020

When a partner from the past meddles with your present

When something or someone from the past makes an entry into the present, the future of relationship always becomes tense.

Written by Amrita Sharma | New Delhi | Published: August 31, 2015 4:07:30 pm
love-triangle-main When something or someone from the past makes an entry into the present, the future of relationship always becomes tense. (Source: Thinkstock Images)

No one forgets the moment when they met their partner for the first time – whether it was love at first sight or whether it was something that grew over time. For them, it is that moment that is special and something that they cherish and value.

At such times one never for a moment, thinks about the partner’s life before they met – because in the first flush of romance and companionship it doesn’t seem to matter.

But when something or someone from the past makes an entry into the present, the future of relationship always becomes tense.

Take the case of Garima and Saurabh. When the two met in office and decided to get married, things were fine. But when at a wedding of Garima’s cousin, Saurabh came face to face with a man who she was seeing when in college but broke off when she got through engineering and he was not keen on her going away to another city, Saurabh was flustered when he saw them chatting and laughing.

“I couldn’t help but think that she still had feelings for him and that I was her second choice,” Saurabh said.

Psychologists say that such feelings of jealousy often stem from feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. The threatened partner feels that the other may end up comparing the past partner and the present and may find the present one suffering by comparison.

“She seemed happy to be with him and I felt may be if things had worked out the way she wanted she would have been happier with him – at least it seemed so, since she was all smiles with him,” he rued.

Counsellors say that sometimes partners read too much into things and may even misinterpret the real picture, due to lack of trust in their partner or even due to lack of confidence in themselves and the kind of relationship they share.

“I was shocked when I got to know how Saurabh was feeling. For me, meeting my ex was like an epiphany, an understanding of how naïve I used to be and how I have grown as a person ever since I broke off with him. It was that feeling I was enjoying and the more time I spent with my ex, the more I realised how good my decisions had been – of dumping him, of moving to another city and of choosing Saurabh, who was so much the ideal I was looking for,” she said.

Experts say that honest communication is crucial to saving a relationship – especially when chances of misunderstandings exist. At such times it is imperative that the partner share what he/she is feeling regarding the ex and clear out the doubts at the earliest.

Counsellors also say that the ghosts of the past should not be allowed to creep into the present. As long as couples are clear about that, the future of the relationship will remain secure.

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