‘Ajeeb baat yeh hai ki sar par jab aafat aati hai…’: Vivek Oberoi on coping with heartbreak and learning to love again

He also spoke about perspective, noting how problems that once seemed unbearable can later feel small in hindsight. “Ajeeb baat yeh hai ki sar par jab aafat aati hai, sar pe pange hote hai, tab woh bade lagte hai (The strange thing is, when trouble comes to your head, when there are problems in your mind, they seem bigger than they actually are). When I see the problems of my kids, I laugh because their problems are not even problems. Similarly, I feel when God (Your parampita) sees your problems, he must be thinking, ‘bacche (child) this is a small thing, I’ll make you stronger’… Woh perspective baad mein dikhta hai (You get to see that perspective later on). You realise it only in hindsight. Now I find it immature. Having or giving a reaction feels funny now (sic).”

Yet, even with time, some memories remain harder to move past. As he put it, “Jo difficult hai move on karna vo hai maa ki aankhon mein aansu dekhna, pita ke chehre pe shikan. Vo cheezein reh jaati hain (The hardest part of moving on is seeing tears in your mother’s eyes or wrinkles of worry on your father’s face. Those things stay with you). Eventually, you have to move on from that and keep their happy moments in mind, because otherwise your vibration gets negative.” 

So, why do some people, after experiencing heartbreak, choose to emotionally shut down?

Psychologist Rasshi Gurnani tells indianexpress.com, “After heartbreak, many people slip into emotional shutdown as a form of self-preservation. When trust is violated or rejection feels overwhelming, the brain moves into protective mode, often through avoidance, suppression or emotional numbing.” 

She adds that while this can feel stabilising in the short term, staying there too long creates risks. “Emotions that aren’t processed tend to resurface as anxiety, irritability or depression. Long-term shutdown also limits healthy attachment, reduces empathy and can lead to loneliness, cynicism and difficulty forming meaningful bonds.”

What role does perspective play in healing from heartbreak?

Gurnani states that perspective is “one of the most powerful regulators in healing from heartbreak.” Painful experiences don’t disappear, she says, but how they are interpreted can change the emotional outcome. When individuals move from “this happened to me” to “this shaped me,” the nervous system relaxes and the experience becomes integrated rather than reactivated. 

“Consciously cultivating perspective involves practices like reframing, meaning-making, recognising personal growth, and viewing past hurt through a less reactive lens with time and distance. People heal best when they stop looking at heartbreak as a failure and start seeing it as part of emotional evolution,” concludes the expert.