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Tuesday, March 09, 2021

Two to Tango: When anniversaries become a sore point

When couples turn the occasion of anniversaries into point-scoring platforms or for blame-game, then there is something wrong with the marriage.

Written by Amrita Sharma | New Delhi |
Updated: April 11, 2016 4:55:48 pm
Loving Couple The whole idea of anniversaries is to celebrate togetherness and to set out a day where they can take time out for each other. (Source: Thinkstock Images)

For many couples, marking their anniversaries is a big deal. There are times when it leads to such conflicts that turn into a make-or-break situation in their relationship.

Take the case of Aditi and Vikrant. Every time their anniversary came about it was a cause of tension between the two. They would both give each other an “idea” of what they wanted from the other and then anything short of it would lead to arguments and resentment.

“Vikrant gave me an iPhone for our anniversary but also told me that I should also give him him something in return, and that was a high-end tablet he was looking at,” she said.

Counsellors say that this whole concept of giving each other gifts should be a matter of choice and something where a partner has put some thought into the gift selected. The whole “pressure” of it defeats the very purpose of celebrating anniversary – which is what the partner means to one another, not what they have gifted.

On the other hand, there are some couples who make the issue unnecessarily stressful for the partner. This is what happened with Archana and Vidit. She had to go to the UK for some office conference, which fell around their anniversary, Vidit made Aparna feel terrible about it. “He would just sulk the whole time and kept insinuating that our anniversary meant nothing to me. I felt so miserable. It was not like it was a vacation; it was an official trip and I obviously had no say in the timing. But he really spoilt the whole trip for me,” Aparna said.

Experts say when couples turn the occasion of anniversaries into point-scoring platforms or for blame-game, then there is something wrong with the marriage. According to them, couples who use this occasion to target their partners are often using it to get even for something or it’s a desperate attempt for attention.

Counsellors say that the whole idea of anniversaries is to celebrate togetherness and to set out a day where they can take time out for each other. In fact, anniversaries are not about one day in particular, it’s about the period the couple have spent together and a celebration that they are still together.

Read all the Two to Tango columns here.

This is what Adya and Kaushal did when they faced such a situation. Adya had to go to her mother’s house because she was undergoing a surgery and she was not in town for her anniversary. But that did not spoil anything between them. “Kaushal told me that we would celebrate our anniversary when I am back. And just as we planned, as soon as I got back in town, we planned a lunch out at one of our favourite restaurants. It was such a beautiful feeling,” says Adya.

Also read: 10 ways to save your marriage/relationship

“For me it was not an issue at all. Anniversaries are special and must be marked since I feel they help the couple to realise how lucky they are to have found the partner they love. But it’s the feeling that’s important and it’s kind of silly that if you do not celebrate it on that very day, it’s reflective of your lack of love. We celebrated it almost a week after our anniversary and for both of us it made no difference. On the contrary it extended our anniversary for us,” he smiles.

Experts feel that anniversaries should be an occasion to relish and cherish – a reminder of what the partner means to one another in their life. It is a day to celebrate the union and the fact that the journey together has passé the test of time and its challenges.

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