‘It’s become common to divorce’: Sunita Ahuja on what sustains a marriage in a world where cheating has become common; psychologist on the foundation of long-lasting marriages

Sunita then spoke about choosing love over security at a young age, recalling that she was in the 9th standard while Govinda was in his final year of BCom when they fell in love. She shared how she decided to marry him despite coming from a wealthy background and despite his early struggles. “The trend has changed completely. People even get medical tests done before getting married these days. I came from a rich family, and Govinda didn’t havea  house or a car. He was doing his BCom. I never ran after money in my life; if I had run after money, then I would have gotten married to the person my father wanted me to marry. I wouldn’t have married Govinda. I was 15 years old when I fell in love with him, and I told my father that I was going to marry him (sic).” These reflections raise broader questions about trust, long-term commitment, and how values formed early in life shape adult relationships.

So, why are faith and trust often described as the foundation of long-lasting marriages?

Dr Sakshi Mandhyan, psychologist and founder at Mandhyan Care, tells indianexpress.com, “I frequently explain trust as emotional safety, not just loyalty. When partners feel emotionally safe, their nervous system relaxes. They stop scanning for threats and start investing in connections. This sense of safety allows vulnerability, which deepens intimacy over time.”

Sunita also spoke about choosing love over security at a young age (Source: Express Archives)

From an attachment perspective, Dr Mandhyan states that trust supports what we call secure bonding. It helps partners believe that conflict will not lead to abandonment. In a world where alternatives are always visible, “commitment becomes a daily choice rather than a social rule.” Faith grows not because nothing goes wrong, but because both partners believe the relationship can hold what goes wrong.

How do early relationship values impact marital resilience and satisfaction later in life?

“I see early values as emotional blueprints,” notes Dr Mandhyan, adding that when a relationship begins with an emotional connection, partners learn to rely on communication rather than control. This builds what psychology calls relational resilience. It is the ability to adapt during stress without turning against each other.

Money and stability matter, she says, but emotional attunement shapes how couples handle loss, pressure, and disappointment. When people feel understood, they recover faster from setbacks. They problem-solve instead of personalising conflict.

How can couples balance emotional intensity with practical realities?

Dr Mandhyan encourages couples “to separate intensity from sustainability.” Strong feelings create connection, but it must be appreciated that daily life requires emotional regulation. Psychologically, balance comes from shared responsibility and clear expectations. “When roles and needs are discussed openly, resentment reduces. I notice that burnout often appears when one partner becomes the emotional or practical manager of the relationship,” concludes the expert.