‘Women need more sleep than men’: Soha Ali Khan on communicating her sleep needs to her husband and daughter; how couples can balance different sleep rhythms

Over time, their routine has found a natural balance. “So now she comes and she knocks on the door and she says, ‘Are you awake?’ And of course, then she’s woken me up. But now, often she very sweetly doesn’t wake me up, and she will find a way to occupy herself until I wake up and go to her. And I think that a little extra half an hour, one hour is very precious.”

But why does this guilt arise about prioritising rest, and how can couples create an equitable approach to sleep needs at home?

Psychologist Rasshi Gurnani tells indianexpress.com, “Guilt around rest usually comes from how women are socialised to be caregivers first and individuals later. Many grow up believing that their value lies in how much they do for others. When a woman rests, it can feel like she’s stepping away from this responsibility, even though sleep is a biological need, not a luxury.”

She adds that couples can handle this better when they treat sleep like nutrition or medicine, something every person needs in different amounts. Sharing responsibilities at home, adjusting routines together, and accepting that both partners don’t have to follow the same schedule help create fairness rather than comparison.

 

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Effective ways partners can discuss differences in sleep schedules

According to Gurnani, talking about sleep works best when it’s framed as a need rather than a complaint. Instead of saying ‘You’re disrupting my sleep,’ it helps to say ‘I function better when I sleep earlier or longer, and it will make our days smoother.’ Being specific about what helps—like dimming the lights earlier or waking up separately—reduces frustration. 

“Mutual respect is key; both partners’ sleep needs should matter equally. Starting small, experimenting with routines, and reviewing what works avoids resentment and turns communication into teamwork,” notes the expert. 

How parents can guide children to respect personal boundaries

“Children learn boundaries when they are taught that caring for oneself is part of caring for the family,” explains Gurnani, adding that when a parent says they need rest and follows through calmly and consistently, the child understands that personal time is normal, not rejection. 

“Parents can give children predictable cues like quiet play options during rest time or a comforting routine before the parent sleeps. Regular one-on-one time outside those hours reassures them that the connection isn’t going away, it’s just shared more thoughtfully. This teaches them that respecting others’ needs doesn’t reduce love; it strengthens it,” concludes Gurnani.