Shruti Haasan on parents’ divorce: ‘There are homes, where, for society, the parents live together’; the toll of staying in unhappy marriages

She revealed that her parents’ divorce, finalised in 2004, had a deep impact on both her and her sister, Akshara. However, she stressed that in some cases, parents remain together despite significant differences, which can ultimately cause even more harm to their children. “Of course it is painful, for the children as well as the parents. This is a normal part of so many homes today. And it is not like it is painful only when the parents are getting separated. There are homes, where, for society, the parents live together, sometimes there is more pain in those homes because it’s hidden,” Shruti said.

This sentiment brings attention to the pressures placed on families to maintain appearances, even when it might be detrimental to the well-being of the individuals involved.

Children who grow up in households where parents stay together despite unresolved conflicts often experience significant emotional and psychological impacts (Source: Freepik)

Emotional and psychological impacts on children 

Psychologist Anjali Gursahaney says, “Growing up in households where parents stay together solely due to societal expectations rather than personal happiness can deeply affect children’s emotional and psychological well-being. The impacts can be significant, shaping their outlook on relationships and sense of self.”

Children who grow up in households where parents stay together despite unresolved conflicts often experience significant emotional and psychological impacts, notes Gursahaney. “Emotionally, they may endure chronic anxiety and stress due to sensing underlying tension and unspoken conflicts between their parents. This constant unease can take a toll on their mental health. Additionally, witnessing a lack of affection or genuine connection between parents can confuse children about what constitutes a healthy relationship, potentially affecting their future partnerships.”

Psychologically, she notes that a tense home environment can undermine a child’s sense of worth and safety, contributing to low self-esteem and diminished self-confidence. Exposure to passive-aggressive behaviours or suppressed emotions may also hinder their ability to identify, express, or regulate their own feelings effectively. Furthermore, growing up in such an environment can lead to a fear of conflict, as children may develop an aversion to confrontation and avoid necessary discussions in their relationships later in life to escape potential disputes.

In what ways can children of divorced parents benefit from witnessing their parents’ separation if it is done respectfully and with care?

When parents choose separation and handle it with care and respect, Gursahaney says,  children can benefit in several ways:

• Modeling Healthy Decisions: Witnessing parents prioritize mental health and personal happiness teaches children the importance of self-respect and setting boundaries.
• Reduction in Conflict Exposure: Separation can remove children from the immediate tension of an unhappy household.
• Stronger Parent-Child Relationships: Parents may engage more meaningfully with their children with reduced marital strain.
• Improved Emotional Well-Being: A peaceful, respectful co-parenting arrangement often creates a more stable and supportive environment.
• Realistic Views on Relationships: Children can learn that while relationships require effort, leaving situations that no longer serve personal growth or happiness is acceptable.