Shibani Dandekar on facing ‘gold digger’, ‘love jihad’ remarks while dating Farhan Akhtar; ways to stay grounded amid external judgements

She added, “The truth of the matter is he comes from a Muslim home or a Muslim background, and I do come from a Hindu home, and we got married and we’re very happy with our marriage. That’s the reality of our situation. So you can say whatever you want about us. It is what it is.”

Living authentically in a relationship means staying true to your values and feelings, regardless of external pressures. But how can couples maintain their happiness and sense of self when facing societal judgments or cultural stereotypes?

Protecting your emotional well-being 

Facing labels like ‘gold digger’ or comments on religious differences can be emotionally taxing. Malika Chandra, a psychotherapist at MC Psychotherapy acknowledges this difficulty, saying, “This may not be an easy task and it is natural and valid to feel hurt about such comments.”

She suggests several strategies to protect one’s emotional well-being:

Cognitive reframing: “Try to understand the comments as a limitation of the speaker’s view rather than an issue within their own relationship,” Chandra advises.

Focus on authentic opinions: For those facing external criticism, Chandra recommends “focusing on opinions of the people that actually know them and their relationship.”

Setting boundaries: It’s crucial to “set appropriate boundaries for themselves,” especially when dealing with misconceptions about the relationship.

Nurturing the relationship: Chandra stresses the importance of reinforcing the real narrative of the relationship by focusing on aspects separate from external comments.

Self-validation: “Validate your own emotions around the situation as it is genuinely difficult,” Chandra says, while also encouraging individuals to look deeper into any internalised insecurities.

Have open and honest communication about how these external comments affect each of you and allow space for differences within that. (Source: Freepik)

Staying grounded in love and happiness

For couples facing external judgments, Chandra offers practical strategies to maintain their bond:

Open communication: “Have open and honest communication about how these external comments affect each of you and allow space for differences within that,” she advises.

Addressing internal concerns: Chandra notes that external comments might relate to real concerns within the relationship, which need to be discussed openly.

United front: It’s important that partners present a united front and internally strengthen their bond through honesty and compassion, she says.

Reclaiming confidence despite the judgement

For those struggling with the fear of being judged for their relationship choices, Chandra offers this advice:

Examine personal narratives: “Examine your own narrative about yourself and rather than confirming your fears with the opinions of others, find exceptions in your narrative,” Chandra suggests.

Self-care: Show yourself that you care through your behaviour. “Surround yourself with supportive people. Make time for yourself and engage in activities that you enjoy and may be good at,” Chandra advises.

Balanced perspective: Chandra warns against fixating solely on public opinion. “Engage regularly with activities and people that are associated with other parts of yourself,” she recommends.