‘Mereko bharosa nahi hai’: Why Lizelle D’Souza hesitated to marry Remo even after the birth of their son; an expert fostering long-term stability

Even after the birth of their son, marriage was not an immediate step for Lizelle. She shared candidly, “It took me three months. He convinced me. Everyone convinced me after my son was born,” and revealed her hesitation at the time: “I said, ‘Mereko na bharosa nahi hai (I don’t have faith).’” This sense of doubt and fear shaped their early years as a couple, with Lizelle also describing how she would cope during moments of stress: “Anytime anything would happen, I used to run away to my mother’s house and go to sleep. My mom would say, ‘What are you doing here? Your son is in the house. You need to go back’. Then I would come back home.”

Over time, their relationship evolved, marked by commitment and unconventional milestones—including three wedding ceremonies and raising two children together.

So how does emotional maturity (or the lack of it) shape the long-term stability of a relationship?

Counselling psychologist Athul Raj tells indianexpress.com, “Emotional maturity is often more decisive than age in determining whether a relationship can sustain pressure. In early relationships, decisions are driven by intensity, attachment and emotional urgency rather than long-term readiness. Living together or becoming parents at that stage can feel emotionally right, but the capacity to handle responsibility, conflict and uncertainty is still developing. In the beginning, this gap is not always visible because bonding is strong.”

He states that the strain appears later when daily realities take over, such as financial pressure, parenting demands and family expectations common in Indian settings. At that point, emotionally mature couples can pause, communicate and adjust roles.

Common reasons one partner may struggle with trust

When a partner says ‘I don’t have faith,’ it usually reflects internal emotional insecurity rather than present behaviour. “Trust issues are often rooted in earlier experiences such as inconsistent caregiving, emotional neglect, past betrayal or fear of abandonment. The mind begins to anticipate loss even without evidence and this shows up as suspicion or emotional distancing. This creates a cycle where fear leads to doubt and doubt increases distance. The key is to shift from defensiveness to emotional clarity,” says Raj.

The partner expressing distrust needs space to voice fear without judgement while the other partner needs consistency rather than reactive reassurance. Trust is rebuilt through repeated emotional reliability over time, not through isolated explanations.

How can healthier patterns be developed over time?

Repeatedly returning to a parental home during conflict reflects an avoidance-based coping pattern where emotional overload becomes difficult to manage within the relationship. The person moves towards a familiar environment that feels emotionally safe and regulating. While this offers short-term relief, it prevents the couple from developing repair capacity together.

“Over time, conflict becomes linked with separation rather than resolution. Healthier patterns involve learning to stay emotionally present during disagreement with structured pauses instead of physical withdrawal. The goal is to return to the conversation after regulation rather than exit from the relationship space. This gradually builds emotional tolerance and shared repair within the relationship itself,” concludes Raj.