4 min readNew DelhiJun 8, 2026 10:00 PM IST
First published on: Jun 8, 2026 at 10:00 PM IST
Dating trends often gain attention because they name behaviours many people have quietly experienced but struggled to describe. ‘Puffer-fishing’ is one such term that has recently gone viral online, referring to a pattern in which someone appears emotionally invested at first but begins to pull away when a relationship becomes emotionally serious or vulnerable. The term draws inspiration from the defensive behaviour of a pufferfish, which inflates to create distance when it senses danger.
The concept was popularised by author Kati Morton, who connected the behaviour to fears around emotional closeness and vulnerability. This behaviour can sometimes look confusing because the person may initially seem affectionate, emotionally available, and deeply interested before suddenly becoming distant, avoidant, or emotionally withdrawn. To understand more about this, we spoke with an expert.
But why can closeness and vulnerability sometimes trigger fear, withdrawal, or avoidant behaviour?
Dr Sakshi Mandhyan, psychologist and founder of Mandhyan Care, tells indianexpress.com, “I have observed in my practice that some people become more uncomfortable exactly at the point where a relationship starts becoming emotionally meaningful. In the beginning, things may feel easy because there is less emotional risk. But once the attachment deepens, fear also starts to surface.”
For some individuals, she adds that emotional closeness brings up old discomfort they may not even fully recognise consciously. Depending on someone, being emotionally seen, or feeling deeply attached can start to feel overwhelming rather than comforting. “I usually see these people become distant right after moments of genuine connection because intimacy begins to activate their fear of hurt, rejection, disappointment, emotional dependence, or loss of control.”
The confusing part is that the withdrawal is mostly less about lack of interest and more about difficulty tolerating emotional closeness itself. Many of them want to connect deeply. However, their nervous system still experiences vulnerability as emotionally unsafe.
Role of early family dynamics and attachment patterns in shaping how adults respond to intimacy
“I frequently come across people who carry their earliest emotional experiences into adult relationships more than they realise,” states Dr Mandhyan, adding that a child learns closeness not from advice, but through repeated emotional experiences at home. The nervous system quietly remembers whether emotional needs were welcomed, ignored, criticised, or inconsistently met.
“For people who grow up watching affection being conditional in their childhood, the end result is emotional caution. Some become overly dependent and fearful of abandonment. Others become highly self-sufficient and uncomfortable relying on anyone emotionally. Both patterns are mostly rooted in attachment insecurity,” Dr Mandhyan explains.
Differentiating healthy boundary-setting from patterns such as emotional withdrawal, ghosting, or repeated avoidance of intimacy
Dr Mandhyan mentions that she usually tells people to focus less on the words and more on how the relationship consistently feels. “Healthy space does not make you feel emotionally abandoned. Even when a person needs time alone, there is still basic reassurance, communication, emotional presence and predictability,” she notes.
Avoidant behaviour more often than not leaves the other person confused. Dr Mandhyan says, “I see this when someone becomes warm during connection but distant the moment conversations become emotionally deeper. Plans become inconsistent. Difficult discussions are delayed. The other person starts overthinking small changes because emotional availability keeps shifting.”
A healthy boundary sounds like, ‘I need some time but I will reconnect.’ Avoidance usually feels like unpredictability or emotional disappearance without clarity. “Everyone needs personal space sometimes. The difference is that healthy distance still protects the relationship, while avoidant patterns often leave the relationship emotionally unstable,” concludes Dr Mandhyan.
Emotional closeness can trigger different relationship responses (Source: AI Generated) 
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