How the ‘princess treatment’ is reshaping our expectations from partners in modern dating

But beneath the Pinterest-worthy gestures lies a complex web of expectations, dependencies, and evolving gender dynamics reshaping how young Indians approach love.

Redefining romance

“Princess treatment, to me, means making a woman feel special through thoughtful gestures,” explained Jaideep Mitra, 30. “It’s romantic generosity when it’s genuine. But if it turns into an expectation, it creates pressure and loses sincerity,” he told indianexpress.com.

For Kailasa Vaishnavi, 25, it extends beyond material gestures. She says that it’s not about luxury or being put on a pedestal. “It’s when someone is attentive, listens, and makes you feel valued without you having to ask for it.”

Counselling psychologist Sumithra Sridhar believes Gen Z has latched on to the idea because it fills a communication gap. “Most haven’t seen their parents articulate needs in healthy ways. Princess treatment is essentially one partner saying, ‘I want to feel cared for,’ and the other responding,” she notes.

Digital amplification

Dating apps have fuelled the trend. Ravi Mittal, founder and CEO of QuackQuack, said, “Mentions of princess treatment are rising — and it’s not limited to women.” He has observed that men also want to be pampered, and women love when partners are confident enough to say so. “Times are changing, and gender roles, too.”

He also spilled the beans on the profile trends he noticed: “There’s a lot of ‘spoil me’ and sometimes a little louder, ‘I know my worth’ bios. They are mostly playful demands, but also a subtle indication that chivalry is expected and appreciated.” The algorithms actively facilitate these connections, pushing users toward matches who fit the “treat me well” category.

The psychological impact

Psychotherapist Sakshi Mandhyan warned that while constant admiration can boost self-esteem, “over time, it may also create dependency, making people rely on external validation.”

Hiteshree M Dudani, co-founder of Moon Minds, has seen this play out, stating that many women “begin to rely on their partners for things they were perfectly capable of doing before. They still can, but may start doubting themselves without checking in first.”

For those with past relationship trauma and low self-worth, the effect can be heightened. “At first, it feels healing,” Dudani said, adding, “but if the care suddenly changes, they may internalise it as their fault.”

Sowmya resonated with this. She told indianexpress.com, “It makes me feel cherished — but at times, also emotionally dependent. In the beginning, that dependence can be scary.”

The meaning of princess treatment shifts across contexts. (Source: Freepik)

When romance becomes control

The line between care and control is thin. “If gestures are conditional or transactional, they become tools of control,” warned Mandhyan. Vaishnavi has experienced this: “Sometimes it comes with hidden strings, like expecting you to be less assertive or return the kindness in ways that serve them more.”

Beyond traditional gender roles

The meaning of princess treatment shifts across contexts. Mittal observed geographic differences. “For urban users, it is more playful and to a large extent, asserting, ‘this or nothing.’ And for small-town daters, it is not so much a matter of self-worth; gestures are linked to genuine love and care. ‘Princess treatment’ equals ‘this one is serious’,” she said.

For queer individuals, the concept takes unique dimensions. Mannika, a community member, opened up about this, explaining, “It is a privilege that was perhaps invisible due to our own invisible, rather unaccepted, identities till late 2018. So, I think princess treatment at the time of dating would be amazing — that means we can do things for each other, openly, that we perhaps couldn’t do as a couple.”

However, she also warned that if the onus of giving the princess treatment always falls on one partner, it can take the individuals who are dating or in a relationship to extreme adherence to conventional heteronormative gender roles. They prefer being “with a Muggle (commoner), because they’re magical (and royal) in their own ways!”

The challenge of reciprocity

Balance is key. According to Mitra, reciprocation doesn’t mean matching gestures one-to-one. “It’s about understanding emotional needs and responding with care.”

Dudani challenged gendered assumptions, stressing that conversations around ‘princess treatment’ often focus on how it makes women feel in heterosexual relationships. “But this assumes women need more care than men, which is both sexist and limiting. Men also enjoy being cared for and given the ‘prince treatment’.”

Vaishnavi has found her balance. For her, the magic is in reciprocity. “I love romantic gestures, but I also make sure I’m showing up for my partner in ways that matter to them.” That way, she believes that no one’s just performing care; “it becomes a shared experience.”

The role of social media

Platforms can distort expectations and create unrealistic benchmarks. Sridhar said, “Extravagant proposal or anniversary videos create pressure to perform romance in ways that might not match one’s values or lifestyle.”

Setting healthy boundaries

Experts stressed that communication, transparency and reciprocity are key. “Couples should discuss what these gestures mean to each of them, agree on mutual respect as the foundation, and ensure that affection is not used as a bargaining tool,” said Mandhyan.

Sridhar advocated viewing such treatment as “a part of the relationship, rather than define it.” Sowmya has set clear boundaries, “For example, if I’m treated to an expensive restaurant, I make it clear, both to myself and my partner, that it doesn’t set an expectation for every future date.”

Is this a sign of regression?

Mittal noted it as cultural evolution, mentioning, “It’s no longer about men buying chocolates after a fight. The onus of making their partner feel special is not on one gender solely.”

Yet concerns remain. “Healthy ‘princess treatment’ is about appreciation, not entitlement. It helps to identify and nurture the warm, sustainable middle ground between the lows of bare minimum effort and the highs of constant pampering,” Mandhyan said, adding, “When both partners feel valued and respected, such treatment becomes a source of shared joy rather than imbalance.”