‘People are most unsettled and unhinged in marriages…’: Nimrat Kaur on choosing to remain single at 40+, psychologist weighs in

She explained further, “My work and I were taken seriously because there was Irrfan in the project. Prior to that, they said that shaadi ka time aa gaya hai. Those marriage questions stopped after The Lunchbox. It took the film to convince them what I’m capable of. It made me deserving of their appreciation, finally. But I understand that they’re also suffering because of the conditioning, and you can’t hold it against them.”

Nimrat questions the assumption that marriage is the only route for a woman to feel ‘settled.’ She recalled, “The moment there’s a little hint that maybe your career isn’t going the right way, you aren’t making the right money, or you aren’t where you’re perceived you should be, you’re told to get married and ‘settle down’. As if I’m unsettled until I’m married!”

Pointing out the prevalence of superficial marriages, she added, “I, in fact, feel like people are most unsettled and unhinged in marriages that are a front. That to me is more worrisome than a woman who, by virtue of her life, isn’t married at this point in time. Just leave her be! It’s mostly people who haven’t been able to take their own decisions and make brave choices in their lives that impose their own conditioning on others whenever they see them breaking the mould a little bit.”

But how does pressure around marriage impact women choosing to remain single by choice?

Counselling psychologist Athul Raj tells indianexpress.com, “When a woman chooses to stay single, she is often asked to ‘explain’ herself in ways married people never are. That scrutiny can trigger anxiety, guilt, and the sense that her life needs defending. It also affects decisions: people start entertaining relationships they don’t want, or hold back from career or personal choices because they’re tired of being judged.”

The psychological shift happens when women stop absorbing this noise as truth. Raj states that setting clear boundaries, speaking honestly about their choices, and surrounding themselves with people who don’t define adulthood by marital status can restore a sense of inner steadiness.

Psychological effects of comparing one’s life path to conventional expectations

Comparison creates a particular kind of ache — not because something is missing, but because you’re told you should be somewhere else by now. Raj explains, “Many people describe feeling ‘out of sync,’ even when their lives are full and meaningful. This gap between personal reality and cultural expectation can lead to shame, restlessness, or the fear that they’re living life incorrectly.”

A healthier way through is to question the script itself. When people take time to define stability on their own terms, the pressure loses power. Journaling, therapy, and spending time with people who’ve carved unconventional paths help create a counter-narrative.