Neena Gupta reveals why ‘strong’ women are still seen as ‘not marriage material’; expert on the quiet cost they pay in intimate relationships

Her remarks resonate with a larger, uncomfortable question many women face: why does independence still feel threatening in romantic partnerships? While progress has been made in public spaces, private relationships often continue to reward compliance over confidence, making many women feel they must shrink parts of themselves to be considered acceptable.

Being perceived as intimidating or ‘difficult’ in long-term relationships

Counselling psychologist Athul Raj tells indianexpress.com, “In Indian society, long-term relationships are still organised around hierarchy rather than equality. A ‘strong’ woman disrupts this structure not by being confrontational, but by being self-directed. When a woman does not instinctively centre a partner’s comfort, ego, or life choices, it unsettles an unspoken expectation.” 

He adds that patriarchy “intervenes by reframing this discomfort as a flaw in her temperament.” She is described as rigid, dominating, or unsuitable for marriage. “This labelling serves a social function — it preserves male centrality while quietly shifting the burden of adjustment onto women. Over time, female autonomy is interpreted not as psychological maturity, but as relational failure,” states the expert. 

How early social conditioning influences men’s expectations of control within marriage

Gender conditioning in India is subtle and deeply entrenched. Raj explains how boys grow up “observing women absorb emotional strain while men retain decision-making authority.” Even in progressive households, he says, final control often rests with men. 

As adults, many men equate stability with dominance and intimacy with predictability. Marriage then becomes the space where these assumptions are enacted: women are evaluated for flexibility, men for earning capacity. “The emotional cost of this conditioning is significant. Men who have not learnt to share power often struggle with intimacy, adaptability, and emotional regulation, though this is rarely recognised as a relational issue. Equality feels destabilising not because it is threatening, but because it was never modelled as safe,” states Raj. 

Emotional impact of sudden abandonment or broken engagements on women

Sudden abandonment creates a profound psychological rupture. It dismantles not only attachment, Raj says, but the future that a woman was organising for her life. “Many women internalise the loss as personal inadequacy, particularly in a culture where marriage is closely tied to social legitimacy.”

“Healing begins when the experience is recognised as a relational collapse, not a personal failure. Rebuilding self-worth involves restoring agency — trusting one’s perceptions, setting firmer boundaries, and resisting the pressure to perform resilience,” concludes Raj.