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Let’s Talk: ‘Demystifying’ the female orgasm

Like the gender gap, people are now actively trying to close the ‘orgasm gap’.

Restore the magic in your sex lives. (Source: Thinkstock Images)

The female orgasm has very recently turned into a much discussed topic – listicles, expert columns, think pieces, you name it. And like the gender gap, people are now actively trying to close the ‘orgasm gap’ (since it’s already been established that women tend to orgasm less during sex). And yes, while I do agree that orgasms for women are trickier to achieve, the female orgasm – or rather, female pleasure in itself – does not have to be some arcane ‘science’ which people need to ‘master’ or ‘demystify’.

Educate yourself
Whether you’re a man who wants to pleasure his partner better or a woman who wants to understand how it all works, the best place to start would be to understand how a woman’s body functions. And I mean, biological basics. For instance, one common fact which most people overlook is that most women orgasm via clitoral stimulation and not the G-spot. What is the clitoris? Where is the G-spot? If you think your biology is a bit rusty, now is the time to brush up on the basics.

Put theory into practice
Now comes the fun part. Armed with all this knowledge, you will need to put theory to the test. Ladies, I would definitely recommend masturbating more to find out what makes you tick. You can even try out a vibrator to help make self-pleasure. Well, more pleasurable. Once you figure out what you enjoy, it’s a lot easier to communicate to your partner about it. (And if you need more excuses to masturbate, read this.)

As a couple, you can now also try out new positions which are ideal for ‘female pleasure’. In fact, use the aforementioned vibrator during your lovemaking sessions. Focus on what feels good and what doesn’t. A few trial and errors later, I can guarantee you’ll hit the sweet spot.

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Don’t fake it
Yes, we have all done it some point in our lives. Faked our orgasms to protect our partner’s feelings. Stop doing that right away. Instead of focusing on what isn’t going right, emphasise how the two of you can work together to make the experience more mutually enjoyable. And remember, just because you or your partner did not orgasm, does not mean that she did not enjoy it or that the sex was bad, sometimes it just takes longer.

Don’t skip foreplay
We’ve already talked about how important foreplay is. While it’s tempting to just rush the whole foreplay bit, I’d advise you take it slow. Research has shown that for most women (and men), sex is a very cerebral act. According to WebMD, a woman’s inability to achieve an orgasm is quite often the work of her own over stimulated brain. In order to enjoy sex and experience the tingles of an orgasm, you need to relax, focus on the physical sensations, and live in the moment. And while you’re at it, throw in a healthy dose of oral sex too!

So take some time out, get your partner involved, and restore the magic to your sex lives.

Sushmita Sarkhel is Content Head at Let's Talk is a fortnightly column focusing on sexual wellness and couple intimacy.
First published on: 15-10-2016 at 11:52:46 am
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