‘I do it sometimes…’: Kartik Aaryan admits to calling his exes even while dating, Ananya Panday calls it a ‘red flag’; expert on how to communicate boundaries in relationships

One prompt cut closer to everyday dating dilemmas: “Calling your ex despite being in a relationship.” Ananya Panday immediately raised her red flag, her shocked expression doing much of the talking. Kartik, however, responded candidly, saying, “I do it sometimes, you must also do it sometimes.” Ananya smiled and nodded in agreement, but her red flag remained raised.

While the moment was framed as humour, it reflects a situation many people grapple with—maintaining contact with ex-partners even after entering a new relationship.

But why do some people feel the urge to stay in touch with ex-partners even after entering a new relationship?

Dr Sakshi Mandhyan, psychologist and founder at Mandhyan Care, tells indianexpress.com, “I see this come up often in relationships. For many people, staying in touch with an ex is less about romance and more about emotional familiarity. The brain gets used to certain attachment patterns. Letting go fully can feel unsettling.”

Particularly from an attachment perspective, she adds that this reflects “an anxious or unresolved attachment.” The ex represents comfort, validation, or perhaps a sense of being known. Calling them can temporarily reduce loneliness or self-doubt. Some people also struggle with emotional closure. They move on externally, but the bond has not fully released internally, notes the expert.

When does occasional contact with an ex become a genuine red flag?

“I don’t see contact with an ex as a red flag by default,” explains Dr Mandhyan. However, she says it indeed becomes concerning “when it starts affecting emotional safety.” If the contact is hidden, frequent, or emotionally charged, that matters. Transparency is key.

From a psychological standpoint, Dr Mandhyan states that boundaries protect attachment security. “When contact with an ex creates comparison, secrecy, or defensiveness, it signals unresolved emotional attachment. I also pay attention to intent. Is the person seeking reassurance, excitement, or emotional support that should come from their current partner?

A red flag is not the call itself. It is the emotional dependence behind it.”

Communicating about past relationships and boundaries in a way that builds trust 

Dr Mandhyan mentions, “I encourage couples to talk about past relationships early and without accusation. Waiting until resentment builds usually makes the conversation harder. Tone matters more than content. Curiosity lowers defensiveness. Blame activates it.

In therapy, she says that she focuses on helping people “name feelings rather than control behaviour.” Boundaries work best when they are mutual. They are not rules meant to restrict freedom. They are agreements intended to protect trust. Transparency also matters. When communication is open, the nervous system settles, suggests Dr Mandhyan.