4 min readNew DelhiFeb 24, 2026 05:28 PM IST
First published on: Feb 23, 2026 at 08:00 PM IST
Relationships, whether personal or professional, often involve a mix of admiration and mild frustration, especially when strong personality traits are involved. Kajol once captured this paradox perfectly when she spoke about her longtime co-star and friend, Shah Rukh Khan, during a lighthearted interview with Getty to promote their film My Name Is Khan.
“I said one thing that I love about Shah Rukh is the fact that he’s always a gentleman. Come hell or high water, he is always a gentleman in every situation with a hundred thousand fans grabbing and pulling and pushing and shoving, and everybody wanting a piece of you, he’s just always a gentleman. And I think that’s the one thing that irritates me also,” Kajol said with a smile.
Her words, while lighthearted, address something many of us experience: the strange tension between respecting someone’s qualities and occasionally feeling exhausted by them. To further understand this, we consulted an expert.
So, why do we sometimes find ourselves irritated by the very traits we admire in people we’re close to?
Neha Cadabam, senior psychologist and executive director at Cadabams Hospitals, tells indianexpress.com, “It is a fairly common emotional experience in long-term relationships. Traits we admire in others, such as ambition, calmness, or attentiveness, can, over time, come into conflict with our emotional states or needs, depending on the context. For example, someone’s unwavering calmness, which once felt grounding, may feel distant or unresponsive in moments when we are seeking more intensity or spontaneity.”
This shift often reflects our evolving emotional needs rather than a flaw in the other person. In close relationships, Cadabam notes, we also become more aware of patterns, which can create both deeper connection and occasional friction. “The familiarity brings comfort but also heightens sensitivity to certain behaviours.”
Can consistently performing a certain role (like being polite or composed) lead to emotional burnout or internal pressure over time?
Consistency in character, such as being calm, polite, or generous, is a strength in many relationships, states Cadabam. However, she argues that when someone feels compelled to maintain a particular image or emotional posture, this can lead to internal strain, especially if they do not feel free to express other aspects of themselves.
That said, this does not mean that people always feel burdened by their own consistency. For many, such traits reflect deeply held values or personal integrity. The key lies in whether the behaviour is self-driven or externally driven.
Navigating admiration and irritation in a healthy way
Cadabam explains that the most helpful way to navigate this is “by acknowledging that both admiration and irritation can coexist without cancelling each other out.” In close relationships, it is natural to experience a range of emotions toward someone we deeply care about. Rather than seeing irritation as a threat to the relationship, it can be viewed as an opportunity to reflect on what we may need in the moment.
Open communication, without blame, allows both individuals to express their perspectives and clarify misunderstandings. It is also helpful to remind oneself of the broader picture, the emotional investment, shared experiences, and mutual respect that underpin the bond, concludes the psychologist.
Kajol on Shah Rukh Khan’s unshakable charm (Source: Express archive photo) 
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