‘Parveen wasn’t the only reason’: Kabir Bedi on strained bond with daughter Pooja and how they reconciled; therapist on parent-child rifts

Responding to speculation that his marriage to Parveen had driven a wedge between them, Kabir clarified, “Parveen wasn’t the only reason. There were other reasons that divided us, other misunderstandings between father and daughter, which had nothing to do with Parveen. Khushi ki baat yeh hai ki (I am happy that) all this is resolved. I love Pooja. I love Parveen. They love being in the same city and meeting on occasion. All is well.”

How common is it for adult children and their parents to go through periods of estrangement?

Gurleen Baruah, an existential analyst, tells indianexpress.com, “While there’s no clear data on frequency, estrangement between adult children and parents isn’t rare. It can emerge from years of feeling misunderstood, a lack of emotional closeness, mismatched values, or unresolved conflict from childhood. In some cases, the relationship may have never felt emotionally safe to begin with, and adulthood gives space to pull away.” 

She adds, “Existentially, as children become adults, they begin to define their own identity — and that process can stir discomfort, especially if the family dynamic wasn’t flexible to begin with. Sometimes the estrangement isn’t about a specific event, but a slow erosion of connection that no one knew how to stop.”

 

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Role of mutual accountability and emotional maturity in healing parent-child rifts

Baruah says that this plays “a significant role.” Healing a strained bond between parent and adult child often requires both to step out of defensiveness and into reflection. Accountability isn’t about blame—it’s about owning the ways we may have hurt each other, even unintentionally. 

“Emotional maturity means recognising that pain can coexist with love. Both people have their truths. And most importantly, it requires clarity: Do we both want to preserve the relationship? Are we willing to do the slow, sometimes uncomfortable work of repair? Reconciliation without introspection often leaves things unresolved beneath the surface,” notes the expert. 

Rebuilding trust and navigating the awkwardness that often follows reconciliation

It’s never as simple as ‘picking up where we left off,’ stresses Baruah, adding that estrangement creates ruptures — words may have hurt, silences may have left scars. “Rebuilding trust takes time, and often begins with small steps: honest conversations, clear boundaries, and shared intentions for what the relationship could look like going forward. Apologies, when sincere, help. So does letting go of the fantasy of a perfect reunion. What heals is learning to see each other not as roles, parent or child, but as flawed, evolving human beings choosing to reconnect,” concludes Baruah.