‘Ishaan hates lies, Shahid hates bad behaviour’: Neliimaa Azeem on raising two sons with very different emotional compasses; how early parenting styles contribute to this

For Neliimaa, seeing her sons come together as a family — with Shahid’s wife Mira and their kids — brings joy, but she is also proud of raising them with such strong values and emotional depth.

So, how do early parenting styles or household structures contribute to the development of such distinct personality traits?

“While the overarching parenting approach (e.g., authoritative, permissive, or authoritarian) may be consistent, children perceive and internalise their experiences differently based on birth order, temperament, and the roles they are subtly assigned within the family. For instance, an eldest child like Shahid Kapoor may adopt perfectionistic traits if he experienced higher expectations, more responsibility, or a closer alignment with the parent’s ideals — especially if the parent relied on him emotionally or practically. In contrast, a younger sibling like Ishaan Khatter might have more flexibility or room to explore, which can foster a more easygoing or experimental approach to life,” explains psychologist Anjali Gursahaney. 

 

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Compartmentalising discipline and responsibility

Neliimaa mentions that Ishaan is highly punctual at work but not in his personal life. Gursahaney notes, “The contrast between professional punctuality and personal laxity, as seen in Ishaan, speaks to how individuals compartmentalise their sense of discipline and accountability. This duality often stems from internal value systems shaped by social feedback loops. In many cases, the external structure of professional environments imposes non-negotiable consequences for tardiness, which encourages people to conform. But in personal life—where expectations are more fluid and accountability is often self-driven—individuals may deprioritise structure in favor of emotional spontaneity or comfort.” 

This can indicate an internal value system that respects external validation or authority in professional domains while allowing more freedom and laxity in spaces perceived as emotionally safe or forgiving. It also shows that people may not lack discipline inherently, but instead allocate it selectively based on what they perceive to matter most in each domain.

‘Ishaan hates lies and Shahid hates bad behaviour’: Individual emotional makeup and moral compass

A child who despises lying may have a high need for clarity, trust, and cognitive consistency — possibly indicating a strong internal compass shaped by ideals like truth and loyalty. Gursahaney says, “Such individuals might be more attuned to authenticity and the emotional betrayal that deceit represents. On the other hand, a child who is bothered by “bad behaviour” might be more externally oriented, sensitive to fairness, social harmony, or etiquette. Their trigger may be less about personal betrayal and more about the disruption of group norms or relational disrespect.”

“These preferences reflect not only personal temperament but also the child’s adaptive responses to early emotional environments, modeling, and how they found stability or influence within the family system,” concludes the expert.